High time i got back to writing more often, cause now im stuck with a whole bunch of stuff i want to write about and i'm unsure where i should even start from.
Ok, so i'm FINALLY 18 :) and i think i got around to a good enough start, what with the fact that i was very sober and for once, i watched other people act all crazy and high. Though i mustn't take all the credit :) oh, and yeah, i feel older already, most of the time anyway.
Jan came, and um, left. I miss her terribly and worry about her all the bloody time.
My lover, took us to one resort to celebrate getting into law school. And, yes a blog will come up soon enough, where i'll pour my heart out and make a big fuss about her leaving. Coming back to the resort. It was real fun and i finally resolved that i suck at pool and am pretty ok at table tennis, for my face :)
Then, before i knew it, college started! I cribbed my ass off the day before, but now i've decided to just go without a racket cause honestly i don't have a choice and it really isn't all that bad :) yes, i really think it's not all that bad. I mean, i made friends and shit and i get to walk around college a lot and theres this canteen thing that makes life worth living cause it has food. FOOD, that i can eat all the time and get fat. Man, i'm so pointless. Oh and the best part, you can walk out whenever you feel like! The joy of freedom i tell you, i could really get habituated to it :)

Am i happy? yes. For now, i guess you could say that. There are so many things i want to just get out of my system. I don't know how. Its like the more i talk about it, the more confused i get. The more i write about it, the more it hurts.
I really think its very unfair. How your given this period of time and then, your expected to just be ok with it when it passes. Its like telling someone "listen, your going to die in a month", the only difference being that they don't have to worry about what happens after. In my case, i do.
I have a million questions i want to ask. A million things i want to know now, so that tomorrow i'll know how to face it. Sometimes i really wish there was some way of knowing what happens AFTER. What happens when cinderella finds her prince and they are married. What happens when he leaves you. What happens you know, After.

Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bands and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, Every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.

I feel it's high time i wrote a blog.
I just discovered that i can't write when there is music playing, which is sad considering i like this 9 crimes song. Anyway. We got our results today, and after almost having a nervous breakdown, i got like an 83%, which is ok considering how i expected a 65%.

Coming back to, the fact that i feel very unsure at this point.
I mean, one minute you feel you're done figuring out what you want. And the next, you're like hold on....stop. Rewind. I hate change. I really fucking do. The moment you're done adapting yourself to something, with great difficulty i might add, it's time to get used to something new. And you just end up confused and feeling a million things, not pretty in the very least, and god what good does change EVER do?
1. The horrible dislike that seemed to come after the intense and great liking.
2. The decisions i have to live with now that i can't go outside this place.
3. The fact that i wanted 'single', but then potential people came around and confused the hell out of me.
4. The worst of the lot. When you're victim of a change within yourself.
5. The simple, easy to understand relationship i thought i shared with lots of people. All of a sudden, im thinking twice and i can't understand it anymore.
6. The very fact that i hate doing things i used to love to do. 'Hanging out'. And getting bored out of my senses when im stuck in 'that' certain situation.
7. Not being able to write anymore! atleast not until im depressed.
8. Digesting the fact that 'people come and people go' and accepting that it is indeed a way of life.
9. From saying 'i'll never do stuff like that', to actually doing it.
10. Watching as your innocence slips away, right in front of you.
11. Having this future, you're so unsure about. And adjusting to 'new'.
12. Becoming immune. And insensitive. And not being able to find yourself, even after looking for it really hard.

Yes, change. It's really funny how it manages to alter everything, and at the end of the day you're stuck with bearing the consequences. Which in reality, gives you no choice but to accept.

I've never wanted to dislike you.
I've never wanted to have to say that i'm glad you aren't in my life anymore.
I've never wanted to look at you, only to feel a swell of disgust.
I've never wanted to avoid looking at you or thinking about my life, without you in it.
I've never wanted to try to keep our memories locked up, in a corner so i'd never want to retrieve them.
I've never wanted to say, 'you walk your way, and i'll walk mine'.

But, you know what, i'm glad that that's what i want now.

It's funny when you watch yourself grow up. How you manage to laugh today looking at what you were back then. How you grow to realize and understand and make mistakes. And how along the way, you change. Change for whatever reason, with time, with experience and when maturity kicks in. Today i look back and i regret. But since sadly, life doesn't give you the option of turning back time, i guess you just make sure you move forward doing it the right way. Sure i've made stupid mistakes, trusted the wrong people and had a very different take on what i wanted from life. Today. Well, today is a completely different story. You can stand alone, without needing someone to hold you. Single is by far the most amazing shit! And everything happens for the freaking best! :) (don't even MAKE me start on that). It's just called learing to live on your own terms.

1. Chennai is hot. Very hot. Sort of like it's so hot you can die.
2. Meeting new people is my most favorite thing to do. And sometimes knowing a person you didn't know very well previously, IS considered meeting them all over again.
3. I love how both sides of my family get along so amazingly. Sort of gives you that whole"happy family" feeling.
4. Ashdin and Karu are mentAl. They're also hilarious. Make that cutely hilarious.
5. The beach is SO awesome. I could live there. Like really.
6. I have great control over the steering wheel i feel. It's nice to know you can control something. Like a car :) that listens to you.
7. I finally made decisions i should've before. And i feel much better.
8. Chennai has NO effing night life. OPM was ok though. Virtigo wasn't for sure.
9. That one action packed fun weekened was really something. I got to break rules, bond, play badminton like i owned it and had a blast, all in two days!
10. I want to learn salsa. And lose weight!
11. Oh, i miss hyderabad.
12. Make that a lot.
13. I love that store Naturally Auroville. It's nice in a weird way. Like how the lamps are so hot, while incense burns all over the place in the most assorted fragrances. And how random things are used to make even more random things. And how cutely economical it is.
14. I tend to talk a lot. Like how at waldrof i talked for an hour straight and apparently broke the record :) However, id like to mention im 'entertaining' *looks smug*.
15. Music in the car is a must.
16. Spenta is some married woman. If being married is going to be like this, im doing it tomorrow :)
17. PMS spares you sometimes. Or maybe the heat just distracts you from noticing it.
18. Spencer plaza is dam third grade.
19. Rings are my new thing. That's pretty evident when you can notice the thousand silver rings from miles away.
20. Single and happy is on the same path.
21. Family is so ofte taken for granted. But sometimes, living together for days at a stretch makes you grateful.
22. Akhil is one helluva hang out buddy :) Seeing him two days made up for all the times we spend in different places ( i so know what your going to say when you read this)
23. Oooooh! Bandi pizza is THE shit! whoever said 15 pieces is a lot. You definitely haven't met us.
24. Banofe! Ahhhhhh! No words.
25. All this makes you realise, that the extruiating heat and all of that other jazz doesn't matter as long as you have the people who make it all worthwhile :)
Ok now im tired. Bringing to an end, my pointless thoughts.