I don't know whether its experience that changes you, or time or just that as you grow older your perspective changes.
When i look back i feel so bloody different. The idea of being in 'love', of giving someone everything you have, of being there through it all, of holding just one person's hand and feeling like that's what you've been made for, seemed like the best thing in the world.
And then life took a turn up a path i didn't recognize. It threw in obstacles i couldn't climb over, rather made me maneuver my way around them. It made things harder and it made sure i was hurt a good many times. And along the way, i forgot what i was. I forgot the things that i stood up for, i forgot what it felt like to love without a boundary, i forgot to trust and i began to view a person for his flaws before anything else. Today when i look within, i feel like a stronger person. But at the same time, i feel insensitive. I feel so rock like. I feel like i've built this wall that shields me from what i don't wish to see happen. Like im scared, and the only way to get rid of that fear is by making my defense mechanism stronger.
Why is it that YOU have to change? Why can't learning your lesson just BE enough?
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
And again, i'm unsure.
Unsure if this is what happens everytime? You meet someone, they seem just like you, you share life's stories with them, you laugh with them, promise to be there when things get hard, cry for memories you just made, worry that they're fine, try to work past trivial things, and the big ones too, and just when you think you've found a friend in them,.....BOOM. They become complete strangers.
You forget what its like to laugh with them, you forget that odd feeling that you need to rush and tell them everything thats happening. You find yourself forgetting what your 'special' comfort zone felt like.
What exactly are you supposed to do when this happens? Stay there no matter what and give them a chance to change? Or turn around and never look back again?
Unsure if this is what happens everytime? You meet someone, they seem just like you, you share life's stories with them, you laugh with them, promise to be there when things get hard, cry for memories you just made, worry that they're fine, try to work past trivial things, and the big ones too, and just when you think you've found a friend in them,.....BOOM. They become complete strangers.
You forget what its like to laugh with them, you forget that odd feeling that you need to rush and tell them everything thats happening. You find yourself forgetting what your 'special' comfort zone felt like.
What exactly are you supposed to do when this happens? Stay there no matter what and give them a chance to change? Or turn around and never look back again?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Life, has something new to give you every day.
Sometimes its good, sometimes its something you’ve waited for forever, sometimes its unexpected, sometimes its bad and most of the times its unpredictable.
Yes, you hop on to the roller coaster, that’s life, blindfolded. You’re terrified at first and hang on for dear life. Slowly, just as you loosen your hold there’s an unexpected bump that drags you downward, almost dropping you off, but not completely. And at the exact moment you’ve given up and accept you’re time has come or that you can’t hold on any longer, you suddenly feel like you’re being lifted upwards again. And yet again, you hope only to go through the exact same thing, only maybe this time, that phase of being stable lasts longer. Up’s and down’s. Happiness and sadness. Good and bad. Hope and disappointment.
Unfortunately for us, this never ends. Our journey continues until that final reel, where in the roller coaster stops working mid-way , leaving us with no chance of survival or in some cases, tests our will-power to hold on just when we think its all over, finishing off the one who had sweaty hands and didn’t hold on tightly enough.
Sometimes its good, sometimes its something you’ve waited for forever, sometimes its unexpected, sometimes its bad and most of the times its unpredictable.
Yes, you hop on to the roller coaster, that’s life, blindfolded. You’re terrified at first and hang on for dear life. Slowly, just as you loosen your hold there’s an unexpected bump that drags you downward, almost dropping you off, but not completely. And at the exact moment you’ve given up and accept you’re time has come or that you can’t hold on any longer, you suddenly feel like you’re being lifted upwards again. And yet again, you hope only to go through the exact same thing, only maybe this time, that phase of being stable lasts longer. Up’s and down’s. Happiness and sadness. Good and bad. Hope and disappointment.
Unfortunately for us, this never ends. Our journey continues until that final reel, where in the roller coaster stops working mid-way , leaving us with no chance of survival or in some cases, tests our will-power to hold on just when we think its all over, finishing off the one who had sweaty hands and didn’t hold on tightly enough.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
This story is set in not only two different states/countries, but two different continents. Yes, this one beats all distance, even if it is far from actuality :]
(Note: People and places mentioned in this story may or may not exist. Any resemblance to someone in particular, is purely unintentional (maybe) )
Ok. So Tk and Kt decide its high time they pay their boys a visit. After much planing and strategy laying out, they decide to catch the first flight Monday morning and start their journey, long and tedious, into their beloveds arms. Much to Tk's dismay, they take a transit flight, not via Dubai, but London. Hetero airport provides quite the place for two shop alcoholics who want to kill time and blow up money. Not to mention how the passers-by, from all over, prove to be excellent eye candy :]
Four hours later, a very restless twosome board the next flight. Half way through, Tk is all nerves! Her lover boy is an hour away. Immediately her hair is set and cocoa butter is smeared all over. Unknown 1, here we, rather she comes!
Unknown city X is quite the place! Tk doesn't even stop to take in the view she runs straight into her lover boys arms. Quite a site, must say, considering she literally has to jump into his arms. 6 feet something makes short girls like us seem wild :]
Kt insists they have no time to waste. She needs to make it to unknown city Y asap. But, duty calls. The 3 of them set out to unknown city Z where they take much pain and go out of their way and egg a certain 'someone's' house, with additional compliments of Tk and Kt's brilliant artwork on her window. Wanting to cause more damage is not an option when the front door opens and they catch a little glimpse of their target. Running to the airport, they reach unknown city Y in no time. Kt's turn to be excited and um....other things, She runs into her lover boy's arms as well, but doesn't jump, she knows he's incapable of handling the weight :]
The four of them get busy at once. It pays to have an apartment and roommates who aren't nosy and understand what different continents can do to you :] Two days and two hours later, the four of them emerge from their rooms, quite tired, bloody exhausted and fucking hungry. Tk and Kt smartly bring some maggi, ready-made bhel and other full of masala snacks to add their own desi touch. Lame some might call it, thoughtful the rest :] Unknown 2 is quite the host. He shows 'em around 'his' city and caters to all their sight-seeing needs.
Before any of them know it, its to weeks already! Plenty of um..alone time, shopping, movies, shows, live concerts, socializing and drinking later, its time for the girls to head back to their respective homes, respective continent in this case. The departure is quite a sad one and brings the boys to tears as well. Tk cannot hold her grief for much longer, and clings on to unknown 1's shirt, crying. Unknown 2 suddenly jumps up 'why don't you drop him off while she stays here? its a win win situation, you know' Kt and Tk dance around the airport in happiness. While tickets are cancelled and re-scheduled, the girls hug and say bye. For now. 5 days later, its time to leave for good. Somehow, without unknown 1, there's a huge gap of being 'incomplete'. Tk cries. Kt weeps. Unknown 2 begins to tear. Quite a sad site.
Back in Continent 1 nothing seems right. Tk and kt get too depressed and decide to leave the state and go someplace else, where their talent can shine and life is more simple to lead. Tk goes to Ghandinagar, while Kt, to Ahmadabad.
Life goes on.....until one day unknown 1 & 2 show up at their respective apartments! Joy and happiness replaces their depression, and life gets better. Alas! Its short lived, when one week later, they leave. Tears, again. Tk and Kt are looked down upon by their fellow-mates for 'spending nights' with their boys. Deciding there is no point living in a place where their bitched about about by all and sundry, including the gate-keeper, they go to Goa.
6 months passes by. Though earning a living is hard, tk and kt manage to buy calling cards once a week and talk to their only happiness, after each other of course.
On one sunny day, while the girls are sun-bathing in their skimpy costumes with their eyes closed and Dolce & Gabana shades on(result of shop-lifting), they hear an "ahem" right next to them. Getting up together they see unknown 1 & 2 kneeling down holding the most beautiful Tiffany boxes ever! "Marry me?" they say together. Taking off their shades and gaping at one another, Tk and Kt squeal in delight and cry "yes" together.
This my friends, this happy foursome, is an ideal example of why we must believe in fairy tales :]
THE END.
(Note: People and places mentioned in this story may or may not exist. Any resemblance to someone in particular, is purely unintentional (maybe) )
Ok. So Tk and Kt decide its high time they pay their boys a visit. After much planing and strategy laying out, they decide to catch the first flight Monday morning and start their journey, long and tedious, into their beloveds arms. Much to Tk's dismay, they take a transit flight, not via Dubai, but London. Hetero airport provides quite the place for two shop alcoholics who want to kill time and blow up money. Not to mention how the passers-by, from all over, prove to be excellent eye candy :]
Four hours later, a very restless twosome board the next flight. Half way through, Tk is all nerves! Her lover boy is an hour away. Immediately her hair is set and cocoa butter is smeared all over. Unknown 1, here we, rather she comes!
Unknown city X is quite the place! Tk doesn't even stop to take in the view she runs straight into her lover boys arms. Quite a site, must say, considering she literally has to jump into his arms. 6 feet something makes short girls like us seem wild :]
Kt insists they have no time to waste. She needs to make it to unknown city Y asap. But, duty calls. The 3 of them set out to unknown city Z where they take much pain and go out of their way and egg a certain 'someone's' house, with additional compliments of Tk and Kt's brilliant artwork on her window. Wanting to cause more damage is not an option when the front door opens and they catch a little glimpse of their target. Running to the airport, they reach unknown city Y in no time. Kt's turn to be excited and um....other things, She runs into her lover boy's arms as well, but doesn't jump, she knows he's incapable of handling the weight :]
The four of them get busy at once. It pays to have an apartment and roommates who aren't nosy and understand what different continents can do to you :] Two days and two hours later, the four of them emerge from their rooms, quite tired, bloody exhausted and fucking hungry. Tk and Kt smartly bring some maggi, ready-made bhel and other full of masala snacks to add their own desi touch. Lame some might call it, thoughtful the rest :] Unknown 2 is quite the host. He shows 'em around 'his' city and caters to all their sight-seeing needs.
Before any of them know it, its to weeks already! Plenty of um..alone time, shopping, movies, shows, live concerts, socializing and drinking later, its time for the girls to head back to their respective homes, respective continent in this case. The departure is quite a sad one and brings the boys to tears as well. Tk cannot hold her grief for much longer, and clings on to unknown 1's shirt, crying. Unknown 2 suddenly jumps up 'why don't you drop him off while she stays here? its a win win situation, you know' Kt and Tk dance around the airport in happiness. While tickets are cancelled and re-scheduled, the girls hug and say bye. For now. 5 days later, its time to leave for good. Somehow, without unknown 1, there's a huge gap of being 'incomplete'. Tk cries. Kt weeps. Unknown 2 begins to tear. Quite a sad site.
Back in Continent 1 nothing seems right. Tk and kt get too depressed and decide to leave the state and go someplace else, where their talent can shine and life is more simple to lead. Tk goes to Ghandinagar, while Kt, to Ahmadabad.
Life goes on.....until one day unknown 1 & 2 show up at their respective apartments! Joy and happiness replaces their depression, and life gets better. Alas! Its short lived, when one week later, they leave. Tears, again. Tk and Kt are looked down upon by their fellow-mates for 'spending nights' with their boys. Deciding there is no point living in a place where their bitched about about by all and sundry, including the gate-keeper, they go to Goa.
6 months passes by. Though earning a living is hard, tk and kt manage to buy calling cards once a week and talk to their only happiness, after each other of course.
On one sunny day, while the girls are sun-bathing in their skimpy costumes with their eyes closed and Dolce & Gabana shades on(result of shop-lifting), they hear an "ahem" right next to them. Getting up together they see unknown 1 & 2 kneeling down holding the most beautiful Tiffany boxes ever! "Marry me?" they say together. Taking off their shades and gaping at one another, Tk and Kt squeal in delight and cry "yes" together.
This my friends, this happy foursome, is an ideal example of why we must believe in fairy tales :]
THE END.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I hate how 'reality' is such a kill joy!
Moving on.
I'm glad that i was quick enough to forget people who weren't worth it. Gave me more place to fit in a whole bunch who ARE :]
Two months have flown by SO quick. I've met some really awesome people, discovered i have a twin :], formed stronger bonds with those i already knew and learnt to listen in class, cause apparently not everyone believes in the concept of 'giving you notes'. Oh! i'm learning french too, with some success i might add.
It's nice to be content. Not overly happy or wallowing in sorrow. Just, someplace in between. Cause right now, someplace seems safe enough :]
Anyway, now, i must return to my beckoning books. And stupid, test i-don't-know-shit, nerves. -Sigh-.
On the brighter side, I always have the aftermath to look forward to :]
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Just yesterday, as i sat in class staring at the board while the teacher droned on about some jazz in English, i thought of you. I tried to remember every smile i saw in that short span of time and i recalled everything you said. And for one minute, i saw this little light. It made me hope that u'd somehow...realize.
It's funny what the power of words can do to you. The more they are spoken, the higher they build. They make you swell with happiness, even when they are not backed with reason, and they make you believe. Stupid people like me? Yeah we are the ones that forget that sometimes, it is necessary that the person means them, that there needs to be some sort of truth attached to what is said. Cause eventually, when everything turns out to be a lie, or worse insincere, the world you built on mere words crashes all around you. And the once felt happiness? That turns to betrayal.
I now, take back all of that. And i let that tiny light fade to oblivion.
Because truth be told, You've managed to fill me with remorse for believing you when you claimed you were 'different'. You've managed to make me feel like a fool, for listening to your every word. And you've made see you, for what you REALLY are.
It's funny what the power of words can do to you. The more they are spoken, the higher they build. They make you swell with happiness, even when they are not backed with reason, and they make you believe. Stupid people like me? Yeah we are the ones that forget that sometimes, it is necessary that the person means them, that there needs to be some sort of truth attached to what is said. Cause eventually, when everything turns out to be a lie, or worse insincere, the world you built on mere words crashes all around you. And the once felt happiness? That turns to betrayal.
I now, take back all of that. And i let that tiny light fade to oblivion.
Because truth be told, You've managed to fill me with remorse for believing you when you claimed you were 'different'. You've managed to make me feel like a fool, for listening to your every word. And you've made see you, for what you REALLY are.
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