Sad story. Sigh.

I'm back to my old ways, as you can clearly tell from my newest template choice.
The plan was to make it even darker, except my best friend convinced me otherwise. See, that's the thing about loving someone as if they are a part of you (corny I know, but YOU do not get to pass judgement, thankyouverymuch), you forget what it is like to think for yourself and make your own decisions. I can't remember the last time I did something without running it by her. Or asking her what she thought. Hell, breathing would be a question too, if it weren't for the fact that it is, well, involuntary. Yes, we are pretty damn scary that way (especially if you don't know us very well) and no I don't expect you to know what it feels like. Because frankly? I don't know that many people who can be best friends, confidants, lovers (ahem) and family all at the same time. (You can stop getting your panties in a bunch, I was only kidding about the lovers bit *cough*)
Anyway, my point being that she is such an integral part of, well, everything I do that it is not a wonder that SHE is the one I pester for an hour when I need an appropriate backdrop. Even if that means changing it every two seconds and asking her to refresh her page every five. Now, I'm aware I sound completely spineless owing to my obvious dependency issues. Well, what can I say?
'My best friend is better than yours, so stick that in your juice box and suck on it'
Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

I've only JUST discovered I have a fetish for notebooks. Now, I'm not talking about those boring, unattractive ones that you want to avoid writing in and throw away on account of how unappealing they are in terms of visual appearance. No. I'm talking about those colourful-draw-your-attention kind of notebooks. The ones you just HAVE to have the moment you lay your eyes on them. Those just make me happy.
Anyway, after this sudden realization, I made a rough estimation of how many I own and there were easily over a 25! And you'd think I'd have this certain fancy for an item of stationary figured out a long time ago. Oh well, now, I have another thing to add to my already long list of potential birthday/Christmas presents.

Let me just tell you, it excites me. The idea of fancy notebooks I mean.

The problem is we expect too much. Expect to be understood without saying a thing, expect to be given what we want without asking for it, expect to have the other person think of us before themselves, expect, expect and then expect some more. The truth is, ALL that comes out of this tireless anticipation is, lets face it, NOTHING.
"As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it" said Andy Warhol. You know what? He was absolutely right.


Espouse the above (quote) and you shall not be disappointed.

Not too long ago, I began my journey on a different path. I say different because in many ways, it was new to me. This one consisted of lesser pain, lesser hurdles and fewer complications. Or so I thought.
What I did not realize was that as I was moving forward, trying to find my way and pursuing what we call ‘happiness’, I was changing. About half way through, I stopped. I turned around and retraced my steps. Yes, I was content. Yes, I couldn’t remember the last time I let someone in enough to grieve after they left. And yes, I had become stronger. Funny enough, as I looked closer, I found it hard to recognize this person I had become. I couldn’t understand how I had moved forward and yet strayed from the course I believed in. I stood there and I thought about it and it came to me. I was too afraid to face life knowing that there was a state called permanence. Permanence and commitment, to me, meant finality and THAT meant hurt. Instead of dealing with it, I changed. I hid my vulnerable side. I went about life with the sole purpose of not getting wounded. And surely enough, I forgot myself to this entirely new exterior I created. I broke out of my reverie and turned back to face the course that lay ahead of me. It was simple. All I had to do was abandon my fear and find what I truly wanted, even if that meant getting a little bruised along the way.

The pursuit of happiness is about living life on your own terms. It is standing up for what you believe in. It is letting yourself feel and not worrying about the consequences. Temporary comes and goes. At the end of the day, you need stability. You need permanent. You need defined. And THAT is how I want to finish my journey down this now conversant path.

I've been wanting to write for really long now, except every time I log on, I invariably decide today is not the day and go read my comic strip. Or more commonly, get on facebook. However today, I have made up my mind to stay on longer than ten minutes and actually type something as opposed to just staring at my monitor waiting for something to drop from the sky.
My last week has gone by pretty quickly. I helped out backstage with this play called Lysistrata. Everyone has always told me I'd make a proficient actress on account of being so animated and SUCH a drama queen, but when it came to actaully watching them, I figured I could never be that good. Now, I'm not saying I'm incapable of getting into a role (not that I've ever actually been asked to do so) I'm just saying I lack the basic requirement of every good actor: confidence. I don't know what it is about facing an audience that has me in such a flutter. Actually, it's more of a sweaty palms, quivering knees and hoping that the ground will open up and swallow me whole kind of feeling. Sigh, so much for my becoming an endearing actress and capturing hearts. Anyway, coming back to the play and what I was helping out with. So,I was given this one simple task (among others of course) of dragging these logs off stage during a 5 second blackout. My wonderful eye sight along with my extremely nervous/clumsy streak proved to be a very bad combination. Next thing I knew I was crouching with my back to the audience when the lights came back on. Short of a quick panic attack, I managed to get up and hold as many of those stupid logs as I could, except one of them fell down and make the loudest noise (atleast I thought it was QUITE loud). The incident most definitely made it into the top 5 on my list of most embarrassing moments. Trust me, you do not want to know what the rest are. Well, other than THAT, I helped with props,makeup, hair and costumes which turned out to be okay (thankfully). So I guess all is not lost. Yes, that was just me looking on the bright side and trying to find a shred of positivity in a seemingly hapless situation. Yeah, surprising I know.
There. I've written enough I suppose. Now, I MUST find something to eat, and THEN I'll be sure to sleep in peace. Why I need something to eat so desperately at THIS hour? Ah, that's a story for another time.