When a force bigger than us created man, he created him with significance, but no identity. As the years progressed this man began to be addressed with a name. He began to associate with people who had the same beliefs. And over time, there emerged religion. Religion then was an institution to express belief in a divine power. And yet, the moment it came into being, man changed it. He made rules and most of them were discriminatory of other religions. Whether he did that for a seemingly greater cause or for his own selfish benefit will never be known. Whatever the reason, he tainted the concept.
Today, he has exploited and misused the term religion. He has used it to scathe, destroy and kill. He has used it to discriminate. He has brought injustice and suffering, all in the claims of doing it for a good cause. Little does he realize that he is the first one going astray from what he believes in. Because we were not taught to kill and do wrong. And we were not told to distinguish on the basis of religion. That, we have done ourselves.
When the world is hit by natural calamities, it never stops to see who it takes. At that time, the rich and the poor, the fortunate and the unfortunate, the happy and the sad, the Muslim and the Hindu are all the same. Religion is all but insignificant when a person is faced by death. Every being dies and every being turns to dust.

We are forgetting the essentials of life. We are exploiting and corrupting to such an extent that, we are doing nothing but creating a huge divide in humanity. A divide, with consequences that will only worsen with time.

We must bear in mind that at the end of the day, we are all indeed, one.

It's funny how you wait for something for weeks, even months, and then when it finally gets here, it's over before you know it. There really is something about weddings. They have this knack of turning horrible days into days worth remembering.

So, the big white wedding came and went. The troops were dressed in green and the whole colour theme went a little too far when the girls proceeded to have green underarms as well. Yes, sick. We thought so too.
The initial chaos dissolved into excitement as the 'wedding entrance' was minutes away. This was indeed a classic example of how a not-so-original idea can turn out to be way BETTER than the original. At least we could dance, even if it wasn't in church. Fireworks concluded the entire thing, some bursting a little too close to our asses, i might add. General happiness spread like forest fire. The Grand March, a new concept to commoners like us, made everyone in the near vicinity join the long line and added to the overall fun of walking around following the newly weds. The first dance was awesome and Decky proved to be the perfect groom revealing his romantic side, as Gulli just looked plain happy and pretty damn impressed.
Soon, the dancing began and the bar beckoned to the alcohol friendly. Thinking we needed to soak up more attention, or so it seemed, some of us began the legendary hustle (courtesy to Ten Downing Street), not on the dance floor like normal human beings, but right in the center of the place, on the nearest stretch of red carpet. And of course, before long there were cameras clicking away what with the synchronized looking dance and everything. Our talent soon moved on to the dance floor and slowly the alcohol took over full swing. We sang. We danced. Some of us went down (haha). We hustled. We stood while a blindfolded bride went to give the bouquet to the next in line. We laughed. We smiled for the never ending flashes. And we made merry.

From helping with little wedding things to sleepovers. From the confusion setting in to last minute nerves. From a bachelor party with no details to the craziest hen party in the history of hen parties. From alcohol to more alcohol. From cutting a thousand shoes to 'forever.' From acquaintances to friends. From friends to family. From four year relationships to an eternity together. Our little bundle of joy is married. Yes. It's finally official. And if there is one thing we've learnt from both of them, it is crossing over all hurdles and emerging on the other side. Strong, with no tears (pun fully intended) and as in love as when the journey first started.

I don't know why i miss you. I don't know why i even THINK of you at all. I don't know why i still laugh at the random things you say, even if they aren't to me. I don't know why i feel the need to check up on you sometimes. I don't know why i continue to relate things to you. I don't know why this little part of me still cares. I don't know a lot of things.
But i do know that you did something. And that i have so many questions i'd like to ask you, simply so i can understand better. So i know what went wrong. So i don't have to push the thought of you away. So i stop getting that odd feeling in my stomach when i happen to get a fleeting glance. So i can move forward without questioning my instincts.
Is that really asking for too much?

No one wants to be alone.
All that jazz that you come alone and you leave alone maybe true, but that doesn't account for the time you are HERE. Because whether you admit it out loud or not, everyone needs to feel loved and wanted.

We live looking at outcomes of other people's experiences, we believe that if it went wrong with her, it'll probably go wrong with us as well. We worry that he isn't what we want in a man, worry that he doesn't reach up to our expectations of being romantic and good looking and so on. We set standards. We expect.
And basically, upon further pondering we see that in the process of worrying over trivial things, we don't realize that we're actually PLANNING on how to fall in love. To the very last detail. We don't even give ourselves a chance to think that just maybe, there is something better out there. That maybe, being with someone is not some contrived affair. And that when we expect and look for it to be EXACTLY as per our requirements, there is every possibility that we might miss out on 'perfect.'

So, it all comes down to lettings things take their natural course. To do what you WANT to do, irrespective of whether it SEEMS wrong. To let go of prerequisites, and for once abandon all rules and logic. Because, life? It's more than just a silly board game. It's more than planning every step. Sometimes, it really is okay to FEEL. Because when it comes to falling in love? It should just...happen.

I would really love to say im strong. That I rarely cry and that every little thing doesn’t touch me in ways I cant explain. But I cant, cause that would be a lie.

I’m a hopeless romantic.
I cry when i'm happy. I cry because he proposed to her in an elevator, full of brain scans of surgeries they’ve done together. I cry because in so little, he says it all. The truth, straight out.
I cry when I see happy endings. I cry when people do crazy things for someone they love. I cry when there’s just chocolate and roses and no words. I cry when he cries. I cry when he looks at her, and words or not, its so obvious he loves her. I cry when he stands on top of a building and says it for the world to hear, that he wants her and only her for the rest of their silly little lives. I cry when he writes his wedding vows. I cry when he sings to her , feeling every word because it’s the only way he can tell her how he feels.
Yes. I believe in prince charming, I believe in snowy white weddings and shooting stars and I believe that love makes it all better. That your world can turn around with three words, eight letters and no matter what the situation, just like that, you know its what you were made for.

And, yet another year has almost gone by.
And although most of it went by in a flash, there are a couple of retentions i''ll be sure to take with me.

It all started with the wedding. And some start it was. Family, alcohol and plenty of love, who could ask for a better start to 2009? :) Not to mention how i returned having all my thoughts sorted out. The rest of January passed by with stressful exams and new feelings for a certain someone.

February was full of obsessive cross-state phone calls about my impending relationship, confusion at my lack of seeing straight when infatuated, plenty of mails, my unofficial farewell which was about the only time we ever bonded with our juniors followed by our actual farewell officially marking the end of school as we knew it. Closely after, was the start of a relationship. And the questions that came with it.

March. The most dreaded month and for obvious reasons. Boards. You know, its totally true that they're hyped. Well, sadly i didn't know that then. So i can't fully describe the stress, pressure, millions of pages, hours of staying awake, endless doubts, phone calls, nerves, little bits of paper, tension and do justice. And well, in the midst of all of that, i was trying to make a relationship work. My journal barely stayed closed, what with the hundred and one questions and guilt trips. All this, at the most crucial time of my life, i would like to add. Or so they said.
And then FINALLY, it was over.
Post board celebrations took over full swing. And, in addition to all the overwhelming joy of being done with boards and sleepless nights where all you thought of were numbers and sales transactions, the end of March also brought with it plenty of surprises. Pleasant surprises :)

April reminded me that i couldn't get rid of exams and tests just yet. I had college to think about. And somehow, before i knew it, i was in Bangalore studying with janu for Srishti. I can't really say our endless hours of 'studying' were very helpful, considering i was too obsessed with new faces :) and we couldn't stay focused for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch before talking about something else. Also, my midnight entertainment had us in such fits of laughter that actually stopping and picking up where we left off from didn't seem very invoking. Soon, it was time to leave for Chennai and the timing seemed perfect, what with Srishti not working out and all of that. Sun, sand, my cousins, alcohol, akhil. I didn't need anything more to cheer me up. It proved to be one of the best holidays. I broke rules, changed some and returned to Bangalore in high spirits. Best summer ever.

May was full of me, battling with myself and trying to figure out what i wanted. And just when i made up my mind, he came and turned it all upside down. My careful reassurance and self motivation to take the easier and less painful way out, proved to be futile when, again, i got sucked into another mess. To say this one started horribly would be a lie. Cause it was great and slow and made me surge with happiness. I got my results too! And everything just started to look up.

I wasn't really thrilled at the prospect of turning 18. I had everything i wanted, but i also had a million unanswered questions. My birthday i will never forget, cause not only did i finally tun 18, but i also sat and watched other people drink and make complete fools of themselves (for a change). Shreya was leaving for law school and photoshop classes were killing me! Our little resort trip was awesome. And soon, college started. And though I didn't know what to expect, in the beginning, i met some really amazing people. Trishna turned out to be my mirror that reflected all the same feelings, etc. and just like that, i found a friend in her. Akshaya, my short, yet full of substance ray of sunshine became 90 percent of the reason i even wanted to attend college. June passed by pretty quick. Soon i realized that he had this uncanny ability to mess with my head (don't they all). Suddenly, that whole uncomplicated relationship we shared, became more complex and difficult to understand.

July started and my life took this unexpected downslope. Okay, so i did know all along that it was coming. Its just that i wasn't prepared for HOW it came. I wasn't thrilled when it all came down to how i was just this stupid naive fool who fell for smooth talkers. I really wasn't. The rest of the month passed by in a haze, consisting mostly of tears, pep talk and everyone in college making it all easier. Back then, I'd be happy to erase that bit in my life, undo it perhaps. But today, i'm glad it happened. After a speedy recovery and just when i thought it probably couldn't get any worse, it got better! Fourteen years and many occasional glimpses later, i finally started to talk to Ravi. All i remember of our conversations back then was Serendipity (today i understand it better).

August saw me get back on track. Back to being content and back to strengthening old ties. And some new. Janu left for the U.S and it was pretty sad for me to digest the fact that she would not just be a state away, but a whole continent. College was fun, the endless pictures didn't stop. The rocks replaced our benches and my fingers were back to hurting what with the excessive texting :) 20th was when we had to say bye. It was also the day i realized the severity of my attachment. I still remember how my computer crashed at the absolute wrong time and how that triggered tears of anger along with the usual ones. End of august was pretty bad. I was a train wreck.

September was recovery phase :)
The drama evidently didn't stop, it multiplied a hundredfold. Lots of sleepless nights and skype at odd hours and karaoke later, it was time for salsa! Our two day workshop was awesome! Not to mention how excess made me reminisce and our partners made me want to...lets not even go there. I also took risks which totally ended up being worth it :)

After 2 years of mummy insisting i join Guruji's class, i finally did. And you know what? It really wasn't bad at all. I can sure say October started on a pretty positive and enriching note. I saw things in this whole new perspective and left class, each day, feeling like i had grown more as a person. I also met Bavani, who became this whole inspiring sister type figure. Mails happened. New friends happened. And soon, first sems happened.

So. The Guns and Roses concert i was totally looking forward to didn't happen. Fuckers decided not to come. Exam pressure got me brainstorming and soon, my girlfriend and me spent every waking and remotely useless hour talking about our much awaited trip! 6 days. We couldn't bloody wait. We got there and Ammu had this horrible fall, fractured her hip. If it wasn't for Akshita i would've never survived that night, without fainting or having a cardiac arrest. And again, she proved to fit in so perfectly, family like. We still managed to fit in fuel, shopping and other things :) My travel log got updated everyday, with an overly animated, exaggerated show of emotions. Not to forget the fast pace at which Niranjan made it into my funny book. We were brutally dragged back to reality. The rest of November passed by with sleepover's every other night, pictures and lots of going to Liquids and 10D.

And, finally. December came. IS here rather. My favorite month of the year, what with Christmas and New Year and the cold (why can't it bloody snow?)
Every other day, i'd be at gulli's. Its like i lived there half my holidays. Phoebe officially loves me. Somehow i manged to tell by the way she was so concerned when i came back home drunk as shit and couldn't stand straight. Gossip girl and Grey's Anatomy took up most of my time. And dried up my tear glands. Chennai was killer fun. We were all so cutely uniform. Sadam is officially the only guy i've met who has eaten 54 animals/insects, some record there.
December is the month i had my first actual hangover. The first time i threw up since i was 14. The most i've cribbed over the phone. The first time i've taken initiative to start cooking, not to mention the recipe book i'm yet to update :). The month i had the hugest fight with Aksha. The first time i drove Akhil's car without causing any damage. The longest time i've obsessed over a message i didn't receive and finally, the end of the swearing i started in January :)
Oh and judging by the size of this blog? Yeah, its probably the longest too.

So. That was 2009. All in all, its gone by real quick. All the people i haven't actually mentioned? It only means that you've been there throughout.