Sunday, November 22, 2009

I feel faint.
That vague feeling where you lack clarity and strength? Yes, that one.

Why does it take watching a sitcom for hours on end to help you realize that life, is nothing short of a miracle? Ok, so i'm pathetic. I watch a downright overdose of Greys anatomy and i conclude that maybe, sometimes we forget the bigger picture. In all the confusion over the most trivial things, we fail to realize that someone out there is fighting for their life. Someone out there is diagnosed with something fatal and so easily they are told they don't have 'too long' to live. When you look at that as opposed to your silly insignificant troubles, you see that maybe the fact that your grades are slipping, that the guy you like is making it hard, that your parents don't get you, that work and your boss are being a bitch are in reality not the end of the world. Watching people fight to reclaim their life, people who don't make it cause evidently they couldn't fight the tumor, people who hold on to that shred of positivity while they go into surgery simply because their life is too uncertain to rely on and finally people who lie there staring ahead because they have simply lost all ability to think, somehow makes you SEE the bigger picture.
Which is why im feeling faint, what with having cried my heart out and almost having dried my tear glands. As i watched spirits being crushed, some being picked up again and some fighting knowing there was no chance, i put myself, for one minute, in their shoes. And you know what? I gave up. Which is why i feel like i lack strength. Maybe it had more to do with the fact that i was overwhelmed at the complexity of science that goes into saving a life, or maybe it was the fact that there were miracles or maybe the more likely explanation would be that the unbelievable strength. So often, we take our beating hearts for granted, without realizing that the moment it stops its involuntary beating, its actually over. Taking with it everything we fight and live for. Coming down to how we as human beings are most queer. We have all the answers and yet we ask questions. We know that everything material is of no use to us when we leave and yet we cling on to it and try our hardest to fix it when its broken, when in actuality its relationships that needs fixing. Love and compassion are replaced with fiercer emotions when in reality the former two are what takes you forward. We live in controversies and yet we wonder why we can't make up our minds. Why is it that our stories are different and yet we intrude into everybody elses, rarely change it for the better and mostly change it for the worse? What medicine in the world can cure us of heartache, betrayal and pain? For everything we preach and everything we destroy, life gives you just one solution and its right there in front of you like every other answer. Its nothing short of turning out to be that miracle we want to believe in.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

I'm a selfless girl who doesn't care that her object of affection had his hands around another girl. No, that doesn't bother me at all. I really don't care.

Because im selfless. And im an optimist. And i'm going to get what i want.

Now all i have to do is convince myself to embark upon my journey of selfless discovery.