Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sunshine and Frosty Swirls

I'm happy when, after a particular chilly day, the sun shines brightly and envelops me in warmth. I'm often mesmerized by how everything appears to glow; how the little specs of dust collide tardily in the ray of sun light that enters the key hole; how sunshine has the power to invigorate you almost immediately (especially after a gloomy/rainy day). I'm happy when I read a novel that makes me cry, laugh and dream. I often jot down quotes and paragraphs that I connect with and when I re-read them, even after months, they speak to me in a way I can't quite describe. I'm happy when I go shopping, and make a bee line for the nearest accessory store, and try on a ring with a big flashy stone and a smooth metal band. I keep little notes, bits of tattered bills; letters; wrapping paper; shells and other novelties of significance. I feel like a hoarder sometimes, stuffing new additions in every crevice of space I find - but then again, I know that on a bad day, nothing will make me happier than looking through those piles of memories. The sight of food makes me happy. I love the recherch√© combination of fragrance, flavour and a good presentation. Most often, even curd rice fills me with such joy, I start to clap like a seal in a circus or do a quick jig before I start to eat. A family dinner with dogs running around; familiar faces; laughter and a strumming guitar makes me happy. Eating a frosty swirl with my best friend in the auto, while we make a mess of our clothes, makes me happy. A Breaking Bad episode, a movie that stays with me, fruity lip gloss, lace, a cupcake, a painting, a connection with a stranger, a hot cup of tea, a drive on a rainy day, a blog, a story, a date..I truly believe that the little things in life are as meaningful and important as the bigger life changing ones.

 I think as human beings, we inadvertently fantasize about the idea of being happy, when instead, we should be embracing the very moment when we are. For instance, we promptly dismiss fleeting moments of felicity - in the hope that there will be something better, something more worthy of the term 'happiness'. I'd like to quote Orhan Pamuk here, who so beautifully sums up what I want to convey - "In fact no one recognizes the happiest moment of their lives as they are living it. It may well be that, in a moment of joy, one might sincerely believe that they are living that golden instant "now," even having lived such a moment before, but whatever they say, in one part of their hearts they still believe in the certainty of a happier moment to come. Because how could anyone, and particularly anyone who is still young, carry on with the belief that everything could only get worse: If a person is happy enough to think he has reached the happiest moment of his life, he will be hopeful enough to believe his future will be just as beautiful, more so."

Thursday, October 11, 2012

We've all heard it before - live in the present, why worry about the future? Seems like a fairly reasonable mantra to live by, right? Wrong. The way I see it, the future is an ubiquitous shadow lurking close by. It peeps at you from behind the nearest alley, constantly reminding you that it is around - watching you, judging your every decision. Eventually when you give up eluding the future, you decide to plan for it instead. Yes, I am one such planner. If you think I'm trying to sell this idea to you, I'm most definitely not. I hate how I constantly worry and dwell on what is to come. On a good day, I am thrilled at the promise and possibilities the future holds. On other days, I fear the change it will necessitate and the disappointment it will  bring. Very often, I am vexed by the thought that everything I have done so far will be for nothing. A degree in Mass Media when my passion has always been Art, deciding to stay in a city when I could've been somewhere else, choosing to work  instead of travelling the world and going back to college - and most often, this isn't just restricted to my professional decisions but my personal relationships too.
Being at constant battle with yourself is the worst kind of conflict, because you can't shut it out like you can another person. There are no doors you can slam or long drives you can take to get away from it. So, that leaves me with just one option : find a way around it.
Stop planning three years down the line, stop being unsure, stop dwelling and most importantly, stop looking back to scrutinize. While there are hundred things that can go wrong, there are also hundred things that can go right. How's that for a start?

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

The Important Things

I once dated a Writer and
Writers are forgetful,
but they remember everything.
They forget appointments and anniversaries,
but they remember what you wore,
how you smelled,
on your first date...
They remember every story you've ever told them -
like ever,
but forget what you've just said.
They don't remember to water the plants
or take out the thrash,
but they don't forget how
to make you laugh.

Writers are forgetful
they're busy
the important things.