Friday, April 30, 2010

It's hardly been two hours since i got here and I'm already dying. Here is Chennai in case you were wondering. Yes, people like me escape their city's unbearable heat only to go to one where it is even worse. So, my hair is one frizz ball currently. And I can feel the sweat dripping down my back even as i write this.
Frankly, I'm quite happy i left Hyderabad. I mean i love it and all of that, but too much of something is not good for you, as the saying goes. The last one week has been an overdose in more ways than one. Staying up until 5 everyday, lots of UNO, whiskey and the rash that follows the next morning, familiar faces, gossip, partying and restricted vision. Our last girls night out proved to be the perfect goodbye (God why am i acting as if I've moved here on a permanent basis, i do not know). Not to mention the train journey. Spenta and I laughed and laughed and laughed and...yeah, I'm sure you get my drift. We acted like little excited school girls, which must've really pissed our fellow co-passengers off. Last ones to sleep and the last to get up, it was lots of fun.
Now that I'm here, I'm thinking i might as well get used to the heat and humidity. Oh, and I'm going to be interning here as well, which is quite a scary thought all by itself cause firstly, i don' really know what to expect and secondly, I don't really know my way around, forget communicating in the language. So all in all, the prospects of me doing well are, lets face it, quite dim. Anyway, I'm going to go now and see what I can do with my tendrils. Yes, not my fault that my hair is beginning to bear an uncanny resemblance to well, tendrils.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You want to know what being insensitive means?
Let me tell you. It’s when you’ve had the most *insert swear word* up day and when you’re just done with 18 days (432 hours) of sheer exam pressure, and your parents don’t let you go out cause supposedly your ‘chores’ aren’t done on a ‘regular basis’. Do they care that I screwed my French paper up really bad? No. Do they care that I then proceeded to walk in the sun and had to endure an hour of torture in the parlour? No. Do they care that I haven’t asked to go out in, lets see, forever? No. Do they care that I’m leaving for 2 freaking months, day after tomorrow, and won’t get to see my friends/go to nice places for 60 days? No. This is why I call them insensitive.
So everyone is out having fun and celebrating, and I’m writing this blog, while my every cell screams out in anger. Yes, anger. Cause it really sucks when you’ve been waiting for something for weeks and then it all gets completely messed up because YOU aren’t in the god damn position to decide. And oh boy, the look on their faces while I grit my teeth and walk away? It’s the kind of look that makes you want to rip your pillow apart and go on to burn every feather. No kidding. I have contemplated swallowing my ego. But then again, why should i? I mean, trade a submissive ego for their sadistic looks of victory after crushing my spirit? Yeah right. So NOT happening.
God I hate this. With legality should come freedom and a new apartment. I’m sure you must think I’m being a real drama queen with too many tantrums. You know what? I don’t really care. You aren’t the one stuck here watching ‘the hangover’ in order to feel just a little bit better. I am. Hence, frankly you are no one to be passing any sort of judgment.
On this happyfuckingnote, I think I’ll go and channelize my bad mood in a more productive manner.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The world is a peculiar place.
It conjures exactly what you want, puts it in front of you, and just when you start to soak in the reality of it all, it takes it away. And for some odd reason, (see, i told you it was peculiar), like sort of a simultaneous response, we begin to hope.

Theory: Do not hope. Do not expect. Do not crave. Waking up every morning and thinking to yourself that today MIGHT just be it will only have you going to bed feeling disquieted and disappointed. The thing about hope is that it inevitably plays on your mind more often than necessary. It distracts and occupies your thoughts. It questions and expects. It just eats at you, a little bit everyday. Remember, what has to come to you, will come at the right time, when it's supposed to. Hoping, expecting or craving is not going to get that day here any faster. Two years will remain two years. Two months will remain two months. Two weeks will remain two weeks. And two days will still be two days. Killing yourself over it is not going to change that. Saying it in your head over and over again is not going to somehow magically give you what you want, at that exact second. Oh no my friend, the world is going to torture you, slowly and painfully. It's going to make you hate yourself at times. But you want to know the best part? When that day gets here, oh yes, when that one fated day gets here, it is ALL going to be worth it. And at that moment, you will be glad that you lived your life until then, free of hope and expectations, because that very instant? It is going to be so wonderful, that you couldn't even have begun to do justice to it.
I conclude and tell you to just....wait. And be patient. That day will come. It will.