Monday, March 30, 2009

I'm sick. And i'm freaking tired.
I'm an impulsive, screw up and im NOT denying that. But whoever said look forward to 18, must've been mad, cause i've never had more doubts, unanswered questions and confusion grip me like this before.
I've always pictured life in this particular way,and the bottom line: i want to make it big. I want to be able to support myself and my tastes without having to depend on my parents forever. I want to excel at whatever it is i do and i want to be recognized. I guess this is what everyone wants from life. Today i had it, because i am not working to get what i want. Im sick of being told im confused and have talent. Because you know what, what's the freaking point if i have all the talent in the world, if i take that for granted and sit on my ass thinking people are going to touch my feet to get into a good college.
NO. I fend for myself and i take responsibility. Im going to try my freaking best to get in to Shristi. In spite of knowing i might change and have people forget me and leave my family and home behind. Im going to fucking do it. Really, cause ive often been told there's only room for the best, and for once, whoever said that, was DAMN RIGHT.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Tomorrow's my last exam.
Tomorrow's also my last day of school.
To say school was indeed my second home, would be an understatement. Sure, we might not have had the greatest infrastructure, ground or classrooms. But the stuff I learnt and the countless memories, really does make up for everything else.
Only when your stepping out do you realize how much your going to miss it. School was like an escape from all the yelling and screaming and boring routine at home. It was the place i grew up in. Joining at four years to stepping out at 17. I would've cribbed a whole lot, sure, threw tantrums too, but i think it really has shaped me as a person. I've learnt whatever i know today, mostly from school. Though it all seems to have passed by in a flash, the memories i take with me, i will be sure to relive, just as they happened.
Tenth standard ill never forget. One year changed so much.
And ISC! My freaking God! From joining with the most sour face to looking back at two years fondly, not wanting to leave. I met the most amazing people, learnt so many things from them each day. I'll never forget how in the beginning of the year, we sat at different ends of the classroom, and slowly, as the year went by, we sat closer and became one. From sitting on the floor, hiding from Sreedevi cause she was SO loud, to running outta class and sitting on our favorite stairs. From getting punished everyday to eating behind the benches while Ayman ma'am yelled and asked where we were. From laughter to tears. From shifting downstairs to learning to adapt to change. From finding our new 'adda' and watching the boys play basketball, to bunking classes behing the p.t. room. From exams to just sitting around. From sports day pratice to cheering for our houses. From school trips to eating Priya ma'ams curd rice. From ordering Mc Donald's one day to eating lime rice everyday. From giving the most amazing farewell to being the ones leaving. I'm going to freaking miss this place! Really.
Tomorrow as i step out, I take back with me every memory and every picture i have of this place i practically grew up in.
I also take back with the memories, the people i met. We've all had our up's and down's, but most of us have been there. And that's what really matters. Especially the 'girl clan'. And Arihant who came two years ago and made us all so happy to know him! Basically just everyone. And yes, the teachers too! I'm yet to see a more patient lot.
I'm going to miss it all. And as i move past and get ready to face a tough world, i can proudly say that my school was indeed the strongest foundation.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Can you run away from something forever?
Well. Sure, it seems like the easiest and best thing to do when you don't want to face something head on. So, instead of finding a solution, analyzing what the right thing to do would be, you choose to run. Away from it or because of it. Now, you can do this for a really long time, positive that you've gotten rid of that something. But trust me, it always comes back. And it catches up with you that much faster. It will torment you, and consume every single thought, unless you sit down and crack the bloody thing. My point: you can never get rid of something, without having to face it at some point. And yes, though it might seem like there's no solution at the time, and you think your going to end up going in circles or worse, hurt somebody, you have to eventually realize that its better to face it in the very beginning instead of waiting for it to build and then crumbling under the weight. Cause that weight will just ruin it all. Nip it in the bud, thats what you have to do.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

You know, there are so many people that you come across in life, who unknowingly or not, change it, in some way or the other. And after that, its forever altered. Even if its in the smallest of ways.
If i start counting the number of people who've done that for me, i'd probably never finish. But since im completely jobless and don't seem to feel like picking up my economics text book, i sort of thought of a few off the top of my head.
1. My family. I know i was born into it and all, but i learn something new from them everyday, and for that im eternally thankful.
2. My daddy especially though, cause hes the most amazing person alive and i look up to him, though he probably doesn't know this :)
3. Spenta. My god, she's some cousin. And so much more.
4. My cousins. Gosh, i love them.
5. Akshita and Shreya, cause they're more like sisters than my best freinds.
6. Akhil! For just being the one person i want to talk to everytime im bored, upset, or just plain happy.
7. Solomon, cause he is truely my inspiration. I highly doubt id sit and listen to someone lecture me for more than fifteen minutes tops. And the way he draws, MY GOD.
8. Every disabled person ive ever met. They have that extra something that is something you just can't match up to or compare.
9. Every person from my "past". Nothing is impossible to move on from.
10. Every single baby. I might not actually remember them, but im super sure they made me freakin' happy at that point.
11. My aunt in Chennai, who just has every ounce of positivity you can find in the whole entire world.
12. Dara Fua. No words.
13. Most determined people, who achieve greatness that you just can't comprehend. Be it, an actor, author, director, artist. Anyone i've just read about and admired.
14. All the people i read about in Reader's Digest. That makes some awesome read and every person in it, has a story.
15. David Archuleta! OMG!
16. Slum dog millionaire. I don't know, it just did something.

Friday, March 13, 2009

It's funny how one minute your living your life, loving every bit of it, thinking it could never get better and the next minute, its wiped out. Over, just like that.
And it doesn't matter who it happens to. Whether the person was close to you, or a complete stranger, or just an acquaintance. It still leaves you feeling the same. Why? Why does death come and take it all in a flash? Why can't there some kind of warning telling you, you have only this much time left? And what about the one's that stay back and have to live without that person? What happens to them? Is it fair that they have to be consumed with sadness and sit around hoping with everything they have that by some blessed miracle, they'll return? And what about when you fight, scream and say things you don't mean, only to realise that that's the last thing you'll probably ever say to them?
You know. It's really not fair. Because, how ever strong you claim to be, you can't get rid of it. And that sucks, because you're always left feeling empty.
And no amount of joy can fill that up.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Having to erase someone, is probably the hardest thing to do. When you grow to love and get used to someone, not having them around, is just scary. But then, one day they come out and prove you wrong. They turn around and do and become something you never thought possible.
I've been through my fair share of these kind of people. And 18 or no, i don't want any more eye-openers, thank you very much. Sure, ive felt horrible, i've been upset over it for days. But eventually wanting that person back fades. It becomes a distant memory you just knew. Yes, its hard, cause once in a while, it pricks and hurts with the same intensity. But the sooner you realise its not worit it, the better. Cause we've got only one life, and there is no room for anything but the best! Boy, am i thankful for the one's that stuck around. They're sure worth it.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Random- What im thinking right now.

1. I really miss shreya.
2. I don't understand why i didn't study commerce when i had the chance and could've probably gotten more than a 60 in pre finals.
3. How could i not LIKE alcohol?
4. Why can't i live without it now?
5. I worry about hippo.
6. I feel Karu is dam funny. And i love her.
7. I wanna go to B'lore badly.
8. My boyfriend needs to get an award for patience.
9. I can't study unless my sister sits next to me.
10. I wanna be able to just talk and talk and talk.
11. I wonder what became of my grinding friend? the one at spent's wedding.
12. Akshita calls me lots of names, im beginning to think she's right in doing so.
13. Dev Patel, bang me right now.
14. I love my daddy. He makes the best food.
15. My legs hurt cause i tried doing sit up's. Yes, sit up's.
16. I have the most horrible craving for pepperoni pizza right NOW.
17. Why isn't akhil calling already??!
18. I wanna swim like badly badly badly. But i can't. Cause i suck and im scared of water.
19. I secretly feel i won't be able to reach the floor on the shallow end too.
20. I feel i should go study.
While my boards seem to deprive me of seeing the outside world, its a wonder im not dead already. Yes, the drama sadly is something that doesn't want to go with age =)
I really don't get the point of having a week to study. Its depressing, cause you have that much longer of knowing you don't know SHIT. I mean 7 days for commerce, and everyday i wake up wondering how on earth i managed to pass all year.
I must say, boards or not. Im officially a phone addict. I mean, i talk all day long, almost. And then, 10 on the dot, i call aksh with my amazing night balance and then hippo calls, and man, do we talk forever. Its hilarious, cause hippo and me are going to this place called Shambala, in Africa, to save big cats. See now, its not my fault i watch animal planet and happen to come across this programme and happen to fall in LOVE with the work they do. I mean, really, i've always been a 'big cat' fan. And now i want to do my bit to save them! Sounds awefully far-fetched, i know. But give me a year or two and ill really be there. Not to mention how happy the Indian Cobra makes me. Im thinking ill chuck design and become a 'Lets-save-animals' activist :) My mum should hear that, she won't stop laughing im sure.
I wonder why im never take seriously? pah.
Anyway. Back on track. My first three papers went ok, good actually. If i had a choice i'd stop at that, but sadly, i seldom get what i want. So ya, four more and the torture endsss! :) Im practically living only to see that day. Freedom!
and yes, I finally saw Slumdog, and OMG im in love with Dev Patel! Jan and me were thinking, we'd probably not even give him a second look if we saw him on skins, but OMG again, in slumdog....*sigh* he's the cutest shit. I really don't see how half the world disagrees with me.
Anyway, im goning to go back and study formation of a company. My life is pretty depressing, except when im on the phone of course :)