Sunday, November 21, 2010

I'm supposed to be working on an article. And I have one line. One.
I hate it when you know you have to meet a deadline, but you still can't bring yourself to work any faster. I have been staring at my monitor for about fifteen minutes (do you know how much you can do in fifteen minutes?) and I have nothing. Right now, I'm thinking of the wonderful aerial ballet I watched today. As this group of artists bounded off rocks so gracefully and twirled in the air, I sat there, transfixed. They were fucking brilliant! I think I'd like to try it someday. Not the whole dance-in-a-synchronized-manner-while-leaping-off-rocks thing (although that was my initial idea, Paddi talked me out of it and said that would be aiming too high) but rappelling. That sounds doable enough, I reckon?
So, currently, my Bucket List comprises of the following:
-Go to Italy.
-Go back to Disney world and stay for longer.

Now, I think I should get back and stare at my word document and hope to dear God I produce 450 words in the next two hours.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

I'm extremely restless.
I tried to read, but all I could do was fidget and twirl my hair around my finger. Next, I tried to sit still for five minutes and attempted staring at the buildings in front me. I was doing fine (one minute, sixty seconds tops) until the door bell rang. As soon as I caught a glimpse of the red box inside the while polythene bag, I ran to the kitchen, got myself a plate and promptly devoured  the chocolate tart my Mum got me (and they wonder why I'm fat). Five minutes (or was it three?) of my undivided attention later, I was trying to get the perfect picture. Seeing as to how that wasn't happening, I turned on the computer. Usually facebook is my source of joy and entertainment, however, as luck may have it, there was absolutely nothing interesting going on there either. Nevertheless, I proceeded to write the longest post ever on my cousin's wall (wow, I can really talk/type quite a bit) and hoped that that would keep my relentless thoughts at bay for a while, but no. Next thing I knew I was shaking my leg at an alarming speed and thinking of what to do next. I glanced at my oil pastels for about ten seconds and gave up on that idea and instead, turned on 'whatever you like' on you tube. Halfway through the song, I turned it off and....yes, I meant it when I said I was feeling very restless.
And to think that a while ago, I was seriously contemplating learning the art of sitting still and meditating and all that jazz. I mean who am I kidding? WHY can't I ever sit still? Seriously, if one of the laws of the universe was that everybody could attain peace and control over their minds (at some point), I'd be the very last one. Or wait, I probably wouldn't qualify at all. Which is just so disturbing you know?

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

My little sister is growing up too soon.
It seems like just yesterday, she was so small, running around with a fringe and strange looking bloomers and now boom! She's taller than me and she has a mind of her own. It's unnerving really, this older-sister instinct I didn't know I possessed until now (really it's so bad, I could kill). I find myself eavesdropping on her conversations, looking over her shoulder while she chats with 'Turkey' and constantly  chiding her (sometimes for no reason). I think this part of me just wants her to be the little studying nerd who didn't care that men existed and didn't care when a phone rang. Seeing as to how I have this rosy (wishful of course) picture in my head, you can imagine how taken aback I was when she said "leave me alone and let me live my life". Although, the next instant, she did come and press my arm and ask me if I loved her. Haha, if only she knew. I guess that's the funny thing about time. It sneaks up on you and really makes you wonder how on earth you're going to control a teenager (God knows that's going to be a task). I think my cousins will be thrilled to know that I have finally gotten how it feels. On this depressing note, I'm going to go find something to do. Maybe I'll go be a controlling/pain in the ass sister. Just so, you know, I can hang around and watch her. And maybe replace that tiny brat I once saw with a bigger/taller (need I mention more challenging?) one.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

This be to the wonderful suckers I call my friends.
(See, I'm not alone in this respect.)

"Moreover, I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not fair to say. To have issues with boundaries, one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time- everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain. and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else."
- Eat pray love.

Monday, November 8, 2010

'Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation-based love story. It all begins when the object of your adoration bestows upon you a heady, hallucinogenic dose of something you never even dared to admit that you wanted- an emotional speedball, perhaps, of thunderous love and roiling excitement. Soon you start craving that intense attention, with the hungry obsession of any junkie. When the drug is withheld you promptly turn sick, crazy and depleted (not to mention resentful of the dealer who encouraged this addiction in the first place but who now refuses to pony up the good stuff anymore- despite the fact that you know he has it hidden somewhere, goddamn it, because he used to give it to you for free). Next stage finds you skinny and shaking in a corner, certain only that you would sell your soul or rob your neighbours just to have that thing even one more time. Meanwhile, the object of your adoration has now become repulsed by you. He looks at you like you're someone he's never met before, much less someone he once loved with high passion. The irony is, you can hardly blame him. I mean, check yourself out. You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it. You have now reached infatuation's final destination- the complete and merciless devaluation of self.'

The following excerpt is from 'eat pray love'. Why, you ask, did I choose to type the entire thing out (besides the obvious fact that I'm extremely jobless)? You know how sometimes, when you're reading or watching something and instantly connect to what is being said? Yes, this is one of those things. If only I had the gift to write like that, I'd be a best selling author.
I've had a draggy couple of weeks. The usual exams and the dark circles that compliment it, among other things. Not to forget the horrible 21 rule that requires a life of abstinence or a fake ID. The only highlight of my extremely dark and foggy two weeks appeared in the form of a red, shiny new car (which I need to learn to drive, although that's besides the point) Then of course, there was Akshu's birthday that came like a breath of fresh air (It's really amazing what a party full of familiar faces, alcohol and leaves can do to you). Oh and I painted my bathroom wall, painstakingly, for a good 5 hours. My mother proudly said that it's probably the only thing I have ever done with a fair amount of diligence (so not true). Soon Diwali got here, except hey, I was in some emergency room with two injections shoved in my hands. Painkillers, they claimed. Why does my health decide to fail me at the absolute worst time, I do not know.
Anyway, that's been my life so far. Lucky for me, distraction in the form of eat pray love has come to keep me occupied for the next few days, so I reckon things are starting to look up :)