Monday, June 29, 2009

Yes, all of us at some point, are weighed down with a million questions. Unanswered. Things you are dying to know, feelings you are dying to sort out, answers that will probably get rid of half the confusion in your head.
If there's one thing life has taught me, is teaching me rather, it would be learning to live for now.
Sure, your past probably teaches you more than you can comprehend, but the fact remains that it's over, gone and not coming back.
Tomorrow on the other hand, tomorrow is a ground too uncertain to rely on. Half of us, me being one of them of course, waste our time thinking. What's going to happen? Is it going to work out how i want it to? Is it going to be ok? How long more, etc etc etc. In the process of making castles from sand, we circuitously build on hope. And you know what? We fall that much harder. We forget that there are a million things that could change, go wrong and alter it all. And that, that would probably hurt even more than not knowing at all.
Hence, my point. Live for today. Feel, today. And eventually if its meant to happen, you'll find your way and get there. Savor what you have for now. And

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

This summer's gone by so quick.
After lots of my cousins, holidaying, hookah (i DO detest it a little less than before) , alcohol, 'unwanted things', dancing, karaoke, loafing aimlessly, shopping, lots of sun, splash, unwanted tans, hugs and a trillion kisses, laughter, text messages that never stopped, long conversations to kill time, food, movies and oh, PICTURES, i can't quite believe college has started! Already. I keep thinking the weekend will come soon enough and it'll just go on endlessly and i'll go make new memories without a care in the world, just plenty of free time to look forward to.
But sadly, that two and a half months has gone by already and now i'm back to worrying. Getting up at 9 and staying in college without running out of that gate when i look at it, watching what i eat, walking home occasionally so i burn the unwanted calories, trudging home and having no energy to even think of going to grill room, worrying about what to wear the next day, caring about who likes you and who is sizing you up, boring text books, assignments, EXAMS! oh my how i'm dreading those already. Monotony. *sighs*
It really does suck to have to get back to reality and down to serious form after recovering from a holiday hangover.
Oh well, i guess you can always get something out of the not-too-appealing-non-holiday-really-monotonous life too. Who knows, maybe college will be my new favorite place *shrugs* It helps to be optimistic sometimes :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

High time i got back to writing more often, cause now im stuck with a whole bunch of stuff i want to write about and i'm unsure where i should even start from.
Ok, so i'm FINALLY 18 :) and i think i got around to a good enough start, what with the fact that i was very sober and for once, i watched other people act all crazy and high. Though i mustn't take all the credit :) oh, and yeah, i feel older already, most of the time anyway.
Jan came, and um, left. I miss her terribly and worry about her all the bloody time.
My lover, took us to one resort to celebrate getting into law school. And, yes a blog will come up soon enough, where i'll pour my heart out and make a big fuss about her leaving. Coming back to the resort. It was real fun and i finally resolved that i suck at pool and am pretty ok at table tennis, for my face :)
Then, before i knew it, college started! I cribbed my ass off the day before, but now i've decided to just go without a racket cause honestly i don't have a choice and it really isn't all that bad :) yes, i really think it's not all that bad. I mean, i made friends and shit and i get to walk around college a lot and theres this canteen thing that makes life worth living cause it has food. FOOD, that i can eat all the time and get fat. Man, i'm so pointless. Oh and the best part, you can walk out whenever you feel like! The joy of freedom i tell you, i could really get habituated to it :)

Am i happy? yes. For now, i guess you could say that. There are so many things i want to just get out of my system. I don't know how. Its like the more i talk about it, the more confused i get. The more i write about it, the more it hurts.
I really think its very unfair. How your given this period of time and then, your expected to just be ok with it when it passes. Its like telling someone "listen, your going to die in a month", the only difference being that they don't have to worry about what happens after. In my case, i do.
I have a million questions i want to ask. A million things i want to know now, so that tomorrow i'll know how to face it. Sometimes i really wish there was some way of knowing what happens AFTER. What happens when cinderella finds her prince and they are married. What happens when he leaves you. What happens you know, After.