Sunday, June 21, 2009

High time i got back to writing more often, cause now im stuck with a whole bunch of stuff i want to write about and i'm unsure where i should even start from.
Ok, so i'm FINALLY 18 :) and i think i got around to a good enough start, what with the fact that i was very sober and for once, i watched other people act all crazy and high. Though i mustn't take all the credit :) oh, and yeah, i feel older already, most of the time anyway.
Jan came, and um, left. I miss her terribly and worry about her all the bloody time.
My lover, took us to one resort to celebrate getting into law school. And, yes a blog will come up soon enough, where i'll pour my heart out and make a big fuss about her leaving. Coming back to the resort. It was real fun and i finally resolved that i suck at pool and am pretty ok at table tennis, for my face :)
Then, before i knew it, college started! I cribbed my ass off the day before, but now i've decided to just go without a racket cause honestly i don't have a choice and it really isn't all that bad :) yes, i really think it's not all that bad. I mean, i made friends and shit and i get to walk around college a lot and theres this canteen thing that makes life worth living cause it has food. FOOD, that i can eat all the time and get fat. Man, i'm so pointless. Oh and the best part, you can walk out whenever you feel like! The joy of freedom i tell you, i could really get habituated to it :)

Am i happy? yes. For now, i guess you could say that. There are so many things i want to just get out of my system. I don't know how. Its like the more i talk about it, the more confused i get. The more i write about it, the more it hurts.
I really think its very unfair. How your given this period of time and then, your expected to just be ok with it when it passes. Its like telling someone "listen, your going to die in a month", the only difference being that they don't have to worry about what happens after. In my case, i do.
I have a million questions i want to ask. A million things i want to know now, so that tomorrow i'll know how to face it. Sometimes i really wish there was some way of knowing what happens AFTER. What happens when cinderella finds her prince and they are married. What happens when he leaves you. What happens you know, After.

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