Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm extremely tempted to change my template YET again. What's different this time is that I'm not looking for something darker. Yes, you read that correctly. I am in fact contemplating a happy pastel colour all bright and bubbly. Although for now, I think I'm just going to trust my instincts which tell me to wait a little bit longer.

Moving on.

I had the bestest weekend with my cousins! Poker, being our newest addiction, kept us awake into the wee hours of the morning. Over all the screaming and swearing and alcohol and smoke, we bonded while collecting rows of those lovely chips. And we did a lot of cooking too. Not to mention the horrible cleaning that followed (not that I did too much). Oh and Zak's hard disk provided us with lots of entertainment for when we were not playing poker. You know there is just something about spending your weekend with a noisy house full of people you adore. I mean sure, we didn't see the sun for like two days and everyone tripped on me but what the hell? When we actually sat down and looked at pictures (thanks F Kaka) of how we were all so little back then, sticking to one other like glue, holding onto a hand, making a face and doing such typically-us things, each of us relived old memories. And at that exact point, all I felt was gratitude. Gratitude for the awesome bunch of people I have in my life. The thought of them not being around, frankly, terrifies me. I can't wait for the next wedding when my wonderful family is together again so we can make more memories (a little older and wiser this time) and maybe tomorrow, smile at how lucky we are.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

We do not know how to just let things be.

We demand an explanation for everything. We want instantaneous answers. We seek solace in logic and sense. And when these desired requisites are not met? We build theories. We start these theories to pay heed to our yearning thoughts.We start them because we don't know what else to do. We conjure these disturbing possibilities because atleast that way, we feel a little less clueless. Surely, before long, they are blown out of proportion to the extent that they play on our minds ALL the time.

 I wish to save you from this dark pit of unhappiness, that once you fall into, you will (probably) never get out of. So here's the thing about theories. They are most often based on assumption, negativity and pessimism. And they invariably lull you into presuming the very worst. When you don't know what's happening, sure it sucks, you throw a few tantrums, you obsess over it for a brief period but then you let it go. You let it go because to dwell over the endless possibilities is simply, lets face it, stupid. In fact, you need to let it go in order to get on with your life. Now, for those persistent ones that find it hard to do so (myself included)? Try and see that beating yourself up about it is going to get you nowhere. In fact it will probably end up clouding your judgement, even when that much awaited answer does present itself (eventually). Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid. Sometimes, you are kept in the dark for a reason. Sometimes, it's the world's funny way of bringing it to you, the longer way. (Notice how much nicer it is to accept these endless possibilities?)

I'm reminded of something I once read. "In everything uniformity is undesirable. Leaving something incomplete makes it interesting, and gives on the feeling that there is room for growth."

Next time you are frazzled and begin that exhausting theory-building process, stop and remember that some things are worth the wait.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

- I want a Blackberry. Like very badly. Except how would ginger sound for a name?

- I love Questionable Content! It is so funny and witty and awesome. Although I can't seem to understand why Marten and Faye haven't hooked up yet. I mean their chemistry is so evidently there. Why they are just sitting around doing nothing about it is, frankly, beyond me.

- OMFG I just read the funniest thing ever.

Blue robot: Hey, I had a really good time the other night.
Pink robot: Aww, I did too!
Blue robot: I just wanted to say that you're the awesomest lady robot I've ever met!
Pink robot: WHAT? I'm not a lady, I'm a dude!
Blue robot: But-but you're pink! And we..we..oh God.
Pink robot: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW! Also it is SOOO sexist of you to assume that I'm female just because I'm pink. OMFG.
Blue robot: Sorry! I'm just kind of shocked! I mean, I didn't know!
Pink robot: Whatever, that is NO excuse. Don't IM me again, jerk.
Blue robot: But
                  [awesomePC1998 has signed off]
Blue robot: Shit.

Hahahahahahahaha. I know, I know the entire concept of robots having a conversation is completely ludicrous.

- I'm still laughing.

- Okay. I'm done.

- My stupid enter key is not working. It is proving to be quite a pain, as using the cursor etc is just SO painful.

- I have a craving for Lindt white chocolate truffles. Yes. Writing the entire thing is necessary as I will not settle for anything other than THAT. Which is just as well as either way, I'm not even getting any.

- I started saying 'sigh' out loud to annoy people. And now it seems to have stuck.Which is plain scary.

- Ihatehim. Okay, atleast I'm trying to.Whyyyy is it so hard?

- I painted my nails green and black because Gulli said it would be damn 'psychedelic'. Haha.

- I am officially in love with Poker. I can't wait to get good at it. 

- Okay. That's all for today.

Friday, August 13, 2010

This song 'Club can't handle me' by Flo Rida is such a feel good song, I tell you.

Until twenty minutes ago, I wasn't in good spirits. Mind you, I had every reason not to be. For one, it's a Friday night and I'm stuck at home. When I say that I do not mean that I have to go out every Friday, I just mean I had somewhere to go this Friday and ended up not going. Why you ask? Well, say hi to my wonderful parents. My extremely understanding mother rather, who believes that the only way I will listen is if she detracts my already restricted freedom. Let me tell you, it doesn't work. In fact, it only results in me becoming more of an arrogant rebel. Of course, that is not to say I'm proud of being such an unregenerate person or anything. Anyway, after being lectured and all of that jazz, I turned to my faithful friend. Food. See, this is why losing weight is SUCH a pain. I mean bingeing is only the best cure for every problem in the world. Or so I thought until I had too much chocolate and had to keep from throwing up. Then I sat down to watch Glee. What could possibly go wrong now I asked myself. Twenty minutes into the sing song sit com and it started to rain, which resulted in some 'signal' issue and hence a completely blank, blue screen (bloody Tata Sky I tell you). I got up in a huff and decided to get on facebook only to be greeted by some stupid suggestion that said something about 'connecting' with a certain someone. It's like hello, I know you're trying to help, but can you just mind your own freakin' business and NOT tell me who to try and re-establish contact with? (God, the irony a social networking website can rub in your face!)

At this point, I figured a little music would help to calm my tempestuous mental frame. Which is when I found this song and instantly felt better. In fact, I started to smile and did a little happy jig which went on to become  a full on fist-pumping-jumpy-type-dance. I know, I know, I'm so fickle you want to shoot me. Hell, I'm so fickle, I want to shoot me.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Sad story. Sigh.

I'm back to my old ways, as you can clearly tell from my newest template choice.
The plan was to make it even darker, except my best friend convinced me otherwise. See, that's the thing about loving someone as if they are a part of you (corny I know, but YOU do not get to pass judgement, thankyouverymuch), you forget what it is like to think for yourself and make your own decisions. I can't remember the last time I did something without running it by her. Or asking her what she thought. Hell, breathing would be a question too, if it weren't for the fact that it is, well, involuntary. Yes, we are pretty damn scary that way (especially if you don't know us very well) and no I don't expect you to know what it feels like. Because frankly? I don't know that many people who can be best friends, confidants, lovers (ahem) and family all at the same time. (You can stop getting your panties in a bunch, I was only kidding about the lovers bit *cough*)
Anyway, my point being that she is such an integral part of, well, everything I do that it is not a wonder that SHE is the one I pester for an hour when I need an appropriate backdrop. Even if that means changing it every two seconds and asking her to refresh her page every five. Now, I'm aware I sound completely spineless owing to my obvious dependency issues. Well, what can I say?
'My best friend is better than yours, so stick that in your juice box and suck on it'
Yep. That pretty much sums it up.

Monday, August 9, 2010

I've only JUST discovered I have a fetish for notebooks. Now, I'm not talking about those boring, unattractive ones that you want to avoid writing in and throw away on account of how unappealing they are in terms of visual appearance. No. I'm talking about those colourful-draw-your-attention kind of notebooks. The ones you just HAVE to have the moment you lay your eyes on them. Those just make me happy.
Anyway, after this sudden realization, I made a rough estimation of how many I own and there were easily over a 25! And you'd think I'd have this certain fancy for an item of stationary figured out a long time ago. Oh well, now, I have another thing to add to my already long list of potential birthday/Christmas presents.

Let me just tell you, it excites me. The idea of fancy notebooks I mean.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The problem is we expect too much. Expect to be understood without saying a thing, expect to be given what we want without asking for it, expect to have the other person think of us before themselves, expect, expect and then expect some more. The truth is, ALL that comes out of this tireless anticipation is, lets face it, NOTHING.
"As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it" said Andy Warhol. You know what? He was absolutely right.

Espouse the above (quote) and you shall not be disappointed.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Not too long ago, I began my journey on a different path. I say different because in many ways, it was new to me. This one consisted of lesser pain, lesser hurdles and fewer complications. Or so I thought.
What I did not realize was that as I was moving forward, trying to find my way and pursuing what we call ‘happiness’, I was changing. About half way through, I stopped. I turned around and retraced my steps. Yes, I was content. Yes, I couldn’t remember the last time I let someone in enough to grieve after they left. And yes, I had become stronger. Funny enough, as I looked closer, I found it hard to recognize this person I had become. I couldn’t understand how I had moved forward and yet strayed from the course I believed in. I stood there and I thought about it and it came to me. I was too afraid to face life knowing that there was a state called permanence. Permanence and commitment, to me, meant finality and THAT meant hurt. Instead of dealing with it, I changed. I hid my vulnerable side. I went about life with the sole purpose of not getting wounded. And surely enough, I forgot myself to this entirely new exterior I created. I broke out of my reverie and turned back to face the course that lay ahead of me. It was simple. All I had to do was abandon my fear and find what I truly wanted, even if that meant getting a little bruised along the way.

The pursuit of happiness is about living life on your own terms. It is standing up for what you believe in. It is letting yourself feel and not worrying about the consequences. Temporary comes and goes. At the end of the day, you need stability. You need permanent. You need defined. And THAT is how I want to finish my journey down this now conversant path.