Tuesday, December 29, 2009

And, yet another year has almost gone by.
And although most of it went by in a flash, there are a couple of retentions i''ll be sure to take with me.

It all started with the wedding. And some start it was. Family, alcohol and plenty of love, who could ask for a better start to 2009? :) Not to mention how i returned having all my thoughts sorted out. The rest of January passed by with stressful exams and new feelings for a certain someone.

February was full of obsessive cross-state phone calls about my impending relationship, confusion at my lack of seeing straight when infatuated, plenty of mails, my unofficial farewell which was about the only time we ever bonded with our juniors followed by our actual farewell officially marking the end of school as we knew it. Closely after, was the start of a relationship. And the questions that came with it.

March. The most dreaded month and for obvious reasons. Boards. You know, its totally true that they're hyped. Well, sadly i didn't know that then. So i can't fully describe the stress, pressure, millions of pages, hours of staying awake, endless doubts, phone calls, nerves, little bits of paper, tension and do justice. And well, in the midst of all of that, i was trying to make a relationship work. My journal barely stayed closed, what with the hundred and one questions and guilt trips. All this, at the most crucial time of my life, i would like to add. Or so they said.
And then FINALLY, it was over.
Post board celebrations took over full swing. And, in addition to all the overwhelming joy of being done with boards and sleepless nights where all you thought of were numbers and sales transactions, the end of March also brought with it plenty of surprises. Pleasant surprises :)

April reminded me that i couldn't get rid of exams and tests just yet. I had college to think about. And somehow, before i knew it, i was in Bangalore studying with janu for Srishti. I can't really say our endless hours of 'studying' were very helpful, considering i was too obsessed with new faces :) and we couldn't stay focused for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch before talking about something else. Also, my midnight entertainment had us in such fits of laughter that actually stopping and picking up where we left off from didn't seem very invoking. Soon, it was time to leave for Chennai and the timing seemed perfect, what with Srishti not working out and all of that. Sun, sand, my cousins, alcohol, akhil. I didn't need anything more to cheer me up. It proved to be one of the best holidays. I broke rules, changed some and returned to Bangalore in high spirits. Best summer ever.

May was full of me, battling with myself and trying to figure out what i wanted. And just when i made up my mind, he came and turned it all upside down. My careful reassurance and self motivation to take the easier and less painful way out, proved to be futile when, again, i got sucked into another mess. To say this one started horribly would be a lie. Cause it was great and slow and made me surge with happiness. I got my results too! And everything just started to look up.

I wasn't really thrilled at the prospect of turning 18. I had everything i wanted, but i also had a million unanswered questions. My birthday i will never forget, cause not only did i finally tun 18, but i also sat and watched other people drink and make complete fools of themselves (for a change). Shreya was leaving for law school and photoshop classes were killing me! Our little resort trip was awesome. And soon, college started. And though I didn't know what to expect, in the beginning, i met some really amazing people. Trishna turned out to be my mirror that reflected all the same feelings, etc. and just like that, i found a friend in her. Akshaya, my short, yet full of substance ray of sunshine became 90 percent of the reason i even wanted to attend college. June passed by pretty quick. Soon i realized that he had this uncanny ability to mess with my head (don't they all). Suddenly, that whole uncomplicated relationship we shared, became more complex and difficult to understand.

July started and my life took this unexpected downslope. Okay, so i did know all along that it was coming. Its just that i wasn't prepared for HOW it came. I wasn't thrilled when it all came down to how i was just this stupid naive fool who fell for smooth talkers. I really wasn't. The rest of the month passed by in a haze, consisting mostly of tears, pep talk and everyone in college making it all easier. Back then, I'd be happy to erase that bit in my life, undo it perhaps. But today, i'm glad it happened. After a speedy recovery and just when i thought it probably couldn't get any worse, it got better! Fourteen years and many occasional glimpses later, i finally started to talk to Ravi. All i remember of our conversations back then was Serendipity (today i understand it better).

August saw me get back on track. Back to being content and back to strengthening old ties. And some new. Janu left for the U.S and it was pretty sad for me to digest the fact that she would not just be a state away, but a whole continent. College was fun, the endless pictures didn't stop. The rocks replaced our benches and my fingers were back to hurting what with the excessive texting :) 20th was when we had to say bye. It was also the day i realized the severity of my attachment. I still remember how my computer crashed at the absolute wrong time and how that triggered tears of anger along with the usual ones. End of august was pretty bad. I was a train wreck.

September was recovery phase :)
The drama evidently didn't stop, it multiplied a hundredfold. Lots of sleepless nights and skype at odd hours and karaoke later, it was time for salsa! Our two day workshop was awesome! Not to mention how excess made me reminisce and our partners made me want to...lets not even go there. I also took risks which totally ended up being worth it :)

After 2 years of mummy insisting i join Guruji's class, i finally did. And you know what? It really wasn't bad at all. I can sure say October started on a pretty positive and enriching note. I saw things in this whole new perspective and left class, each day, feeling like i had grown more as a person. I also met Bavani, who became this whole inspiring sister type figure. Mails happened. New friends happened. And soon, first sems happened.

So. The Guns and Roses concert i was totally looking forward to didn't happen. Fuckers decided not to come. Exam pressure got me brainstorming and soon, my girlfriend and me spent every waking and remotely useless hour talking about our much awaited trip! 6 days. We couldn't bloody wait. We got there and Ammu had this horrible fall, fractured her hip. If it wasn't for Akshita i would've never survived that night, without fainting or having a cardiac arrest. And again, she proved to fit in so perfectly, family like. We still managed to fit in fuel, shopping and other things :) My travel log got updated everyday, with an overly animated, exaggerated show of emotions. Not to forget the fast pace at which Niranjan made it into my funny book. We were brutally dragged back to reality. The rest of November passed by with sleepover's every other night, pictures and lots of going to Liquids and 10D.

And, finally. December came. IS here rather. My favorite month of the year, what with Christmas and New Year and the cold (why can't it bloody snow?)
Every other day, i'd be at gulli's. Its like i lived there half my holidays. Phoebe officially loves me. Somehow i manged to tell by the way she was so concerned when i came back home drunk as shit and couldn't stand straight. Gossip girl and Grey's Anatomy took up most of my time. And dried up my tear glands. Chennai was killer fun. We were all so cutely uniform. Sadam is officially the only guy i've met who has eaten 54 animals/insects, some record there.
December is the month i had my first actual hangover. The first time i threw up since i was 14. The most i've cribbed over the phone. The first time i've taken initiative to start cooking, not to mention the recipe book i'm yet to update :). The month i had the hugest fight with Aksha. The first time i drove Akhil's car without causing any damage. The longest time i've obsessed over a message i didn't receive and finally, the end of the swearing i started in January :)
Oh and judging by the size of this blog? Yeah, its probably the longest too.

So. That was 2009. All in all, its gone by real quick. All the people i haven't actually mentioned? It only means that you've been there throughout.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Infatuation. A foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration.

We've all been there at some point. When we were younger it would've started with drawing hearts around his name in class, or doing things he liked or bumping into him by 'accident'. Slowly, we grew and our patterns changed. We started to dress a little better, flirt with him and try subtle, yet absolutely obvious means to get his attention. And then there were always those with the guts, who walked right up to him.
It's funny how you think that with the passage of time you'll grow out of being 'infatuated' and yet, you don't. The butterflies consume you with the same intensity, if not more, the questions multiply, the obsession doubles until it leads you to insanity and oddly enough one phone call can get you smitten all over again or better still, turn your completely horrible mood right around. And they say with age comes wisdom. Whoever said that forgot to tell you that sometimes, wisdom can't help you to differentiate and categorize how you feel. And so it all comes down to whether you're stupid enough to get sucked into it or smart enough to fight it.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

What do you do when you’re scared to accept what you feel?
When you lie to yourself knowing it isn’t the truth. And smile when you’re just plain disappointed.
Life, I believe, gives you options. You either admit how you feel out loud, irrespective of whether its going to sound stupid, inconsequent or absurd. Or, you can bottle it up, deep down, act like it doesn’t bother you one bit and get on with your life.

And as obvious as the answer is, I prefer to choose the latter. Simply because today, that’s the easiest thing to do.