I feel it's high time i wrote a blog.
I just discovered that i can't write when there is music playing, which is sad considering i like this 9 crimes song. Anyway. We got our results today, and after almost having a nervous breakdown, i got like an 83%, which is ok considering how i expected a 65%.
Coming back to, the fact that i feel very unsure at this point.
I mean, one minute you feel you're done figuring out what you want. And the next, you're like hold on....stop. Rewind. I hate change. I really fucking do. The moment you're done adapting yourself to something, with great difficulty i might add, it's time to get used to something new. And you just end up confused and feeling a million things, not pretty in the very least, and god what good does change EVER do?
1. The horrible dislike that seemed to come after the intense and great liking.
2. The decisions i have to live with now that i can't go outside this place.
3. The fact that i wanted 'single', but then potential people came around and confused the hell out of me.
4. The worst of the lot. When you're victim of a change within yourself.
5. The simple, easy to understand relationship i thought i shared with lots of people. All of a sudden, im thinking twice and i can't understand it anymore.
6. The very fact that i hate doing things i used to love to do. 'Hanging out'. And getting bored out of my senses when im stuck in 'that' certain situation.
7. Not being able to write anymore! atleast not until im depressed.
8. Digesting the fact that 'people come and people go' and accepting that it is indeed a way of life.
9. From saying 'i'll never do stuff like that', to actually doing it.
10. Watching as your innocence slips away, right in front of you.
11. Having this future, you're so unsure about. And adjusting to 'new'.
12. Becoming immune. And insensitive. And not being able to find yourself, even after looking for it really hard.
Yes, change. It's really funny how it manages to alter everything, and at the end of the day you're stuck with bearing the consequences. Which in reality, gives you no choice but to accept.