I've noticed that most of my blog posts are always triggered by something disconcerting (atleast in most cases). Or when I have too much to say and need an immediate outlet. Today, however, none of the above apply. Cause today, it's different. Nothing is bothering me. And I don't have very much to say. I think it has more to do with the fact that I'm content. That I've finally settled. That I have nothing to crib about. That all that waiting and cursing the universe finally makes sense.

Because right now? It's exactly what I want it to be. No white horses, elaborate declarations or huge castles. Just right now and everything it brings with it :)

So, this is what it feels like? :)

It frustrates me when I look back at the last year. Because when I think of all the time I wasted, all the energy I wasted and all the wasted eagerness, that's all I feel: frustration.
On the plus side, everything is clear now. Crystal clear. I see flaws, so many. Not that I'm claiming to be perfect or anything. It's just that when you're blinded by whateverthehellitis, you overlook every sign, every indication, every sensible thought, every gut feeling, every instinct. And when it finally does hit you, it hits you with such an intensity, it might as well have been some dislodged boulder that caught you unaware. I suppose it's just one of those mistakes you should be careful never to repeat. And God forbid you do, atleast you know what you're in for. I suppose however frustrating, I should be thankful for that boulder in disguise. Because however big and dreadful it was, it reminded me of something my mother always said: better late than never, was it?

I have somehow managed to lose my bunch of post-its. And that really annoys me. Besides the fact that I have to hunt for paper every time I want to jot something down, I miss seeing colourful bits of little-square-sheets lying all over the place. Oddly, the scribbled notes, hurried lists, little heartfelt mentions, pending funnybook entries, forgotten  ideas and numerous words are so reassuring you know? Cause as silly as it may sound, they (the aforementioned) kind of define me. Those little post-its? They contain a little bit of who I am.

I think I can handle the truth. If someone were to come up to me and explain a situation, tell me what they actually felt as opposed to what I wanted to hear, yeah, I think I could handle it. However, half truths, ostentatious bullshit, doubtful decisions and prevarications, that I cannot handle. I don't care if it's to shield me from the 'anguish' or to feed their own ego or to set their unsure minds at ease. I honestly don't give a shit. Just say it and get it over with, you know? Save us both the hassle and just get it over with.

I can't believe my semester exams are here. Already. Just the sight of my political science notes is making me dizzy. I shudder to think about how I'm going to get myself to study that gibberish, let alone manage to pass the ruddy subject. Then of course, there's the fact that April/May is almost here. I know, I know, every year it's the same story. And every year there's promptly a post about how distressed I am about the coming of summer. In my defence, the weather gets steadily worse and if I don't quetch here, where else will I, right? Currently, I have six tabs open (all exam related) and the thought of going through every one of them made me recoil and rush to seek solace here. It's amazing how many things you find to distract yourself at the absolute wrong time. Suddenly, my phone has become a vital organ (not that it was any less of an organ before), Drawmything has become a daily occurrence (if you don't already play it, start!). Cutting onions and perfecting it is now of crucial importance. Don't even get me started on the tempting effect my black cordless phone has on me. And then there's my sister's face. And the mirror. And the fact that I waste hours eating and walking around. It's exhausting to be this distracted, really. The only ray of hope in this wretched situation is the fact that I can binge on raw mango. And probably get thinner, what with nerves winning the fight over calories. Not to mention how for once, insomnia is probably a blessing. See, I'm slowly mastering the art of looking for a silver lining in every situation. On this happy and fulfilling note, I'm going to work my way through those six tabs and be the studyingrockstar (haha) I am.