Monday, October 12, 2009

I don't know whether its experience that changes you, or time or just that as you grow older your perspective changes.

When i look back i feel so bloody different. The idea of being in 'love', of giving someone everything you have, of being there through it all, of holding just one person's hand and feeling like that's what you've been made for, seemed like the best thing in the world.
And then life took a turn up a path i didn't recognize. It threw in obstacles i couldn't climb over, rather made me maneuver my way around them. It made things harder and it made sure i was hurt a good many times. And along the way, i forgot what i was. I forgot the things that i stood up for, i forgot what it felt like to love without a boundary, i forgot to trust and i began to view a person for his flaws before anything else. Today when i look within, i feel like a stronger person. But at the same time, i feel insensitive. I feel so rock like. I feel like i've built this wall that shields me from what i don't wish to see happen. Like im scared, and the only way to get rid of that fear is by making my defense mechanism stronger.
Why is it that YOU have to change? Why can't learning your lesson just BE enough?

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