Monday, October 4, 2010

You know how you sometimes plan things, how you spend countless hours thinking of various 'what if' situations and how you lie awake staring at your ceiling in all it's glow-in-the-dark glory while your thoughts consume you? Yes, for me, the above is an extremely regular occurrence. I have often been chided for over thinking every situation and yet, I never seem to tire. Or stop for that matter. In fact, it has now gotten to a stage wherein I don't fight it anymore. I just prepare for the blow (trust me there are so many thoughts at once, they can totally knock me down if I'm caught unaware) and get sucked into the huge mess until eventually, I fall sleep. I reckon it's not really a bad thing, but it does make you obsessive and that can really suck. For instance, I now possess this urge to KNOW things. It's like handing you the script of a movie you are about to watch. Once you read that script, you more or less know what's going to happen right? Yes. I have a compulsive need for that script.
Now since life is not that sympathetic or generous when it comes to handing out written versions of how things are going to play out, I am left with no choice but to make up my own version(s). Trust me, I do not enjoy doing so. But I do it anyway. Cause like I already mentioned, I need to know things in advance. Of course, there is always the option of letting things happen, of 'going with the flow' and living on the edge. I'll admit I've considered this many a time. In fact, I'll come straight out and tell you I absolutely envy people who can live like that. But as much as I'm drawn to sitting in a theater, anticipating what is about to come, I'd rather read that story.

....I'd rather know.

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