Friday, September 2, 2011

Life catches up with you so quickly, it's amazing.

Seems like just yesterday that I was cribbing about wanting to be 20, wanting to have a boyfriend I could introduce to my parents, wanting to graduate and start working, wanting to travel the world. And now, it's all here (well almost). I'm 20 and feeling old. Responsibility is looming and I can't ignore it anymore. I'm graduating in 7 months and haven't figured out what I want to do yet (yes, still). The boyfriend bit happened too, before you ask. Makes me smile rather stupidly. Coming to travelling the world, well, that bit begins after college and hopefully continues until I'm too old to walk in my own house, forget getting on a plane. I'm hoping that my journeying starts with South Africa (as planned) where my dream of working with big cats will be fulfilled. And after that, well, where ever the wind takes me, I suppose. It's all so exciting and yet so scary. The prospect that, in eight months, you're expected to stand on your own feet and leave that sense of security your home gives you. I'm keen to explore what the world has to offer and yet I feel like I'm stalling on purpose, wherein making a decision about my career is concerned. Because in some stupid way, once that's decided, it's real. 
For some reason I've always been afraid of finality; afraid to let go of all my other options; afraid that I'll be sucked into the monotony of it all. It's a fear that envelops everything I do. And it needs to stop. Especially now. Because if I get one thing and I'm constantly thinking of another, what's the point of it right? So, starting today, I'm going to make a conscious effort to be content and know that what I have going for me is probably what I really want. 

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