Saturday Musings

Don't you just hate when the Saturday you were looking forward to so eagerly isn't the Saturday you hoped for? Well, today is just that.
Work has been getting more hectic. I don't have the 'I'm the new girl' excuse to lean back on anymore - there are certain things expected of me and I have to deliver. I try to assimilate as much as I can - and most nights I dream of press releases and instructions. I often look back at my life before my first job and I miss it terribly. But I also know that it is only natural to miss it, as it was the only life I ever knew. Right above my computer, is a piece of paper that reads, 'The starting point of maturity is the realisation that "No one is coming to the rescue." Everything you are or ever will be is entirely up to you'. It's funny how I never noticed it all these years and kind of fitting that I did today. Because I would've never fully understood it if I read it when I was in college. However, now, I know what it's like to wake up and not know what is in store for me. I know what it is like to make decisions that I have to live with. I know that sinking loneliness while I travel back home in a bus full of people. And I know that reassurance that washes over me, when I look at the familiar faces of my family, and how it reminds me that they can't look after me forever - I need to learn to look after myself. And when I'm overcome by this realisation, I know for a fact that this foreign concept of work; independence and learning will slowly start to fit better - like a pair of old jeans you grow comfortable in, with time.
When I look forward to a fun Saturday night with all my heart, I suppose I feel disappointed when it all goes downhill and I'm left with only my thoughts for company. Sometimes, I just want to forget what happens the entire week and dive head first into a good time with people I love. However, that seldom happens and I now see that that is okay, because atleast I get to sort out a few things in my head - leaving it less clouded for next Saturday, or the one after that...