Monday, October 25, 2010

It's very hard to find a metaphorical way to put this.
Well, let's just say I tried a couple of times and it didn't work, so I'm going to come right out and say it.
I'm always, and I mean it when I say always, ready to believe the absolute worst about a person. No, they don't have to do anything or even say anything for that matter. Hell, they'll probably be the nicest human beings, have the bestest hands (haha, sorry I just had to say that) and have the most noble intentions. They might even fulfill all the necessary criteria and make the cut. Of course, you'd think that would be enough to have me convinced. But oh no, I just go ahead and do what I always do: I find flaws. Now, there have been countless times where I've tried to figure out why I do this. I mean, the facts are all laid out in front of me. The entire world sees it like it is, surely ALL of them can't be wrong. Then what is it?
Today, I did some introspection (while staring at my mass comm text book, I'd like to add) and well, it turns out that doing this (finding faults) is part of my (strange) defence mechanism. Confused? Let me explain.
You know how they say that experience is a teacher? There is no denying that it sure taught me well. I suppose when you start to live with caution and watch before you take your next step, you forget what it's like to I'm afraid to let people in. I'm terrified that it may end differently. I'm just so goddamn scared to accept that this just might be it. So, I run. And while I'm at it, I convince myself that they're just out to get me. And that they're probably just the kind  I'd rather stay away from. I find flaws. And then I some more. In short, I feel better by merely being a cynic. Except, when I think about it now, what good is it doing? Nothing, that's what. Maybe, I need to accept that it's okay to meet pretty darn awesome people. And maybe it's okay that sometimes things are too good to be true. And maybe, just maybe, if I refrain from running, I'd stick around to realize that 'what you see is what you get'.
I suppose I could abandon being a cynic and be a realist instead?

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