Cyclone Layla is being extremely persistent. As the rain continues with no intension to stop, i can't help feeling just a little bit relieved to be rid of the heat. Even if it's just for a little while. Now, thats not to say that I'm missing out on my share of fun in the usual 40 odd degrees of dry heat, cause i'm totally not.
Chennai has been very kind to me so far. My internship, yes the same one i was so worried about, has been awesome! I love that it has made me more confident and open to learning. I'm happy to say that basement 24 has become an integral part of my daily routine here :)10 Downing Street has become my other constant hangout spot. From meeting new people to 60's of whiskey, from occasional parking lot visits to the hustle, it's not a wonder that i love the bloody place. Frankly, comfortable-feel-at-home partying doesn't get any better than this. Just for the record, I've started a new funny book. It's rather exciting you know, just the whole prospect of continuing with something I started in 2008. Moving on, I can't believe in all my time here, I've only gone to the beach once! Okay, twice. Although the second time went on to become a 'find out which lane you parked your car in' thing. Not fun, let me tell you, especially when factors like the surrounding creepy wilderness and darkness were involved.
As I gaze ahead at nothing in particular (I say nothing in particular because the thick downpour in addition to my restricted vision does not enable me to focus on anything, really) I miss my Hyderabad. As much as I love my job, the people, the partying and the freedom, there is indeed truth in the saying that 'home is where the heart lies' :) As I type this last line, it seems that Cyclone Layla has decided to stay on for longer and cause us great inconvenience. So. It is time I go and figure out how to work my way around her wrath and make it to 10D tonight :)

It's hardly been two hours since i got here and I'm already dying. Here is Chennai in case you were wondering. Yes, people like me escape their city's unbearable heat only to go to one where it is even worse. So, my hair is one frizz ball currently. And I can feel the sweat dripping down my back even as i write this.
Frankly, I'm quite happy i left Hyderabad. I mean i love it and all of that, but too much of something is not good for you, as the saying goes. The last one week has been an overdose in more ways than one. Staying up until 5 everyday, lots of UNO, whiskey and the rash that follows the next morning, familiar faces, gossip, partying and restricted vision. Our last girls night out proved to be the perfect goodbye (God why am i acting as if I've moved here on a permanent basis, i do not know). Not to mention the train journey. Spenta and I laughed and laughed and laughed and...yeah, I'm sure you get my drift. We acted like little excited school girls, which must've really pissed our fellow co-passengers off. Last ones to sleep and the last to get up, it was lots of fun.
Now that I'm here, I'm thinking i might as well get used to the heat and humidity. Oh, and I'm going to be interning here as well, which is quite a scary thought all by itself cause firstly, i don' really know what to expect and secondly, I don't really know my way around, forget communicating in the language. So all in all, the prospects of me doing well are, lets face it, quite dim. Anyway, I'm going to go now and see what I can do with my tendrils. Yes, not my fault that my hair is beginning to bear an uncanny resemblance to well, tendrils.

You want to know what being insensitive means?
Let me tell you. It’s when you’ve had the most *insert swear word* up day and when you’re just done with 18 days (432 hours) of sheer exam pressure, and your parents don’t let you go out cause supposedly your ‘chores’ aren’t done on a ‘regular basis’. Do they care that I screwed my French paper up really bad? No. Do they care that I then proceeded to walk in the sun and had to endure an hour of torture in the parlour? No. Do they care that I haven’t asked to go out in, lets see, forever? No. Do they care that I’m leaving for 2 freaking months, day after tomorrow, and won’t get to see my friends/go to nice places for 60 days? No. This is why I call them insensitive.
So everyone is out having fun and celebrating, and I’m writing this blog, while my every cell screams out in anger. Yes, anger. Cause it really sucks when you’ve been waiting for something for weeks and then it all gets completely messed up because YOU aren’t in the god damn position to decide. And oh boy, the look on their faces while I grit my teeth and walk away? It’s the kind of look that makes you want to rip your pillow apart and go on to burn every feather. No kidding. I have contemplated swallowing my ego. But then again, why should i? I mean, trade a submissive ego for their sadistic looks of victory after crushing my spirit? Yeah right. So NOT happening.
God I hate this. With legality should come freedom and a new apartment. I’m sure you must think I’m being a real drama queen with too many tantrums. You know what? I don’t really care. You aren’t the one stuck here watching ‘the hangover’ in order to feel just a little bit better. I am. Hence, frankly you are no one to be passing any sort of judgment.
On this happyfuckingnote, I think I’ll go and channelize my bad mood in a more productive manner.

The world is a peculiar place.
It conjures exactly what you want, puts it in front of you, and just when you start to soak in the reality of it all, it takes it away. And for some odd reason, (see, i told you it was peculiar), like sort of a simultaneous response, we begin to hope.

Theory: Do not hope. Do not expect. Do not crave. Waking up every morning and thinking to yourself that today MIGHT just be it will only have you going to bed feeling disquieted and disappointed. The thing about hope is that it inevitably plays on your mind more often than necessary. It distracts and occupies your thoughts. It questions and expects. It just eats at you, a little bit everyday. Remember, what has to come to you, will come at the right time, when it's supposed to. Hoping, expecting or craving is not going to get that day here any faster. Two years will remain two years. Two months will remain two months. Two weeks will remain two weeks. And two days will still be two days. Killing yourself over it is not going to change that. Saying it in your head over and over again is not going to somehow magically give you what you want, at that exact second. Oh no my friend, the world is going to torture you, slowly and painfully. It's going to make you hate yourself at times. But you want to know the best part? When that day gets here, oh yes, when that one fated day gets here, it is ALL going to be worth it. And at that moment, you will be glad that you lived your life until then, free of hope and expectations, because that very instant? It is going to be so wonderful, that you couldn't even have begun to do justice to it.
I conclude and tell you to just....wait. And be patient. That day will come. It will.

I don’t know why I’m so mad.

I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that you disappear so often. I don’t know if it’s because of what I feel every god damn time you do so. I don’t know if maybe, I hate that this is becoming a pattern in my life. I don’t know if it’s just me, doing the same stupid things over and over again, repeating the last mistake I made and just…letting you mess with my head, in general. I don’t know if it’s because the good stuff sort of makes up for everything and how thinking about it still makes me weak in the knees. I don’t know if it’s because sometimes the reality of it all just spoils the whole darn fantasy. I don’t know if it’s just one of those moods coupled with the fact that I miss you.

I don’t know. And I probably never will. Cause life is just LIKE that. It throws all these questions at you and tells you to go figure it out. And no, it doesn’t care that you don’t have the answers or probably need a little more than the stipulated time to compute them. God forbid you just happen to sit down and try and think about it with a clear head, cause then it just weighs you down with MORE questions, all rushing to eat away at you, slowly, bit by bit. Until you’re in such a mess, you wonder why you sat down to think in the first place.
By the end of it, you are so consumed by the utter chaos of it all, it’s not a wonder why,‘you don’t know’.

-I can’t sit my ass down to study for more than ten minutes at a stretch, which is quite sad considering my exams are some three days away. And no, before you say that’s a pretty long time, it isn’t. My political science portion will scare you. I mean it.
-My phone isn’t lighting up with text messages as often as before. And let me tell you, I do not like it. Not one bit. Come on, you can’t be serious that you’ve never felt slightly bummed when it happened to. I don’t know, but there is just something so exciting when your thumbs scream out in protest, what with the excessive texting. I won’t really blame you if you haven’t felt that though. I am a tad bit eccentric.
-A million little pieces. What a book. Sure, it took me an unusually long time to finish it, what with the author’s heart-wrenching story and the fact that I just couldn’t get through more than twenty pages without wanting to die. Nevertheless you have to read it. He was honest. He was a fighter. And more importantly, every feeling was real.
-I hate to think back to all those summers where I went without knowing the joys of buttermilk. No, really. I missed out on quite a bit.
-Why can’t my phone light up already?
-My funny book is almost over. I’m hanging on to that last blank page for dear life, until I get to Chennai and buy a new one. At landmark. Because it’s tradition, if you really must know.
-I hate nail paint that chips. It’s annoying. And very unappealing to look at. Even for the person that has it on, I’d like to add.
-I missed karaoke today. Do you have ANY idea how badly I wanted to go, sing and do the hustle? I guess not.
-Lady Gaga looks scary in that one part in bad romance. You’ll know what part I’m talking about when you actually get around to watching the video. I don’t even have to mention which part in particular, you’ll figure it out. It’s kind of hard to miss.
-Word 2007 is awesome! That stupid information technology class served some purpose after all. NOT that word is that hard to begin with. Just that I’m too lazy to explore into the details unless I HAVE to.
-I don’t know why my neighbour’s had to send away those puppies. I mean THEY live here don’t they? Why can’t the puppies just live with them? And no, I’m not taking into consideration that they probably don’t want them. That’s no excuse. *sighs in exasperation*
-Mosquitoes are a pain. Especially when you wake up and look in the mirror and see horrible red, itchy marks.
-Why can’t you just call? You don’t seem to understand that when you don’t, I worry excessively. And I think excessively. And make up various theories in my head. And then worry a little more. Which is all rather unfair. I mean you COULD just pick up the phone and call and save me of all this trouble you know.
-Finally, it lights up.
-These stupid scissors with the pretty-to-look-at-fancy-blades can’t cut paper. I’m telling you. They really can’t.
-I want strawberries!
-I’m STILL afraid of the dark. You’d think I’d be over it by now.
-I hate being the last one to go to bed. Cause then I have to walk around, turning off all the lights. And then at some point, it WILL be fully dark. And that scares me.
-My mother just walked in and told me to ‘go to bed’. It’s 11:32. Who even sleeps at 11:32?
-You know what I really want? Besides kicking a certain someone in the gut real hard? I want a sub. Yes, I’m aware that just a few seconds ago I wanted strawberries and that you were probably beginning to picture them, all red and sweet, before I changed my mind so suddenly and completely ruined that pretty picture for you. Now how about that sub?
-So, maybe I was just trying to act all badass when I said that thing above. Not the sub bit you moron, the other bit. Cause see, contrary to your belief, I am not the gut-kicking type. Nor I am particularly badass.
-I have considered the fact that you do not care, but I’m telling you anyway.
-I think I’ve run out of thoughts. Or maybe they’re just passing by too quickly.