Just yesterday, I was talking to a friend who was going through a crisis. His instinctive reaction to solving it was to stop giving a shit, closely followed by negative thoughts about how everyone was going to do the exact same thing to him. My advice was simple, in fact, I bet you would have suggested the same thing if you were there. I told him that you can't stereotype people. You can't stop having faith just because something went wrong once. And you most definitely can't fight a (good) feeling because you are afraid it's going to end a particular way. As much as you avoid seeing it, everyone is not out to get you. Past experiences and things that you have never recovered from? They hang around, lurking and ready to resurface all the time. Most often, they come back when you are most vulnerable. And almost everytime, they achieve their desired purpose. I have learnt that the only way to move past them is to realize that that chapter in your life is over. And with its completion, it takes with it all those little moments, all that sadness and all those feelings too. I guess what I'm trying to say is that what happens today most certainly does not depend on yesterday. Every person brings something new to your life. And it is only fair that you give them a chance as opposed to regarding them as someone you were once associated to.
Maybe all we need to do is have a little bit of faith.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
College is an annoying place to be in.
You drag yourself out of bed every morning, make your way around stumbling, sometimes falling, go about your daily cleansing routine and manage to get decent clothes on (note: has to cover your ass and show as little skin as possible). You then shove something that resembles food down your throat (usually) and you leave home picturing that bed and all the sleep you just missed out on. You reach the lane, wonderfully green and lush on both sides, and try to look forward to what lies at the end of it. You look at the last two men you will probably see for a good three hours and you enter the big black gates they are made to 'guard'. Almost at once, you are overwhelmed by the sea of faces (of the same sex). I mean, it seems the entire female population of our city is locked up in this place called college. Anyway, being too sleepy to care any longer, you walk your way through all the noisy, chirpy girls (i mean HOW do they do it) and sit on the calming sliver benches I like to call home. You then feel a little more awake as you strain your eyes to scrutinize and form silent judgement of all the strange girls who walk by. By this time, you spot your two favorite faces and being sleep deprived and all that other bullshit takes a backseat. You bitch, loudly this time and pass time until that fateful bell rings so loudly you almost jump. You climb all those stairs and get to your first class. You take your time to walk to the end of the classroom, I mean come on, nobody wants to sit at that back of the class right? Wrong. You sit down, pull out your cell phone, read a book, talk and hide behind all those people sitting in front of you and before you know it 12:30 is here! Now, you are starving to death.You run out of class, find food and eat like you haven't seen food in ages. You sit on the silver benches and bitch some more and then when the bell sounds, you return to your stuffy class. By this time, all that sleep you need to make up for, catches up with you.You sit through the last few classes, with your eyes half closed, subconsciously hoping and praying that time will move a little faster. And then, the minute you hear scrambling feet, your eyes snap open and you feel free.
Yes, this is a pretty apt account of my life in college.
Now, the part after we exit those horrid black gates? That's a completely different thing. Achu, Bee and me hold hands, walk and laugh the entire time. Sometimes, we run and do stupid things. Sometimes, we stand under random buildings while its raining and do the hustle while cursing every person we know. Sometimes, we plan out our legend..wait for it..ary (haha) scams and put it to practice, other times we drink fountain coke. Almost everyday, we argue with an auto guy. And almost everyday, we win that argument. That walk outside, until that ruddy main road? That's the best part of my day.
The part after we exit those horrid black gates? That's the part I'm always going to remember.
You drag yourself out of bed every morning, make your way around stumbling, sometimes falling, go about your daily cleansing routine and manage to get decent clothes on (note: has to cover your ass and show as little skin as possible). You then shove something that resembles food down your throat (usually) and you leave home picturing that bed and all the sleep you just missed out on. You reach the lane, wonderfully green and lush on both sides, and try to look forward to what lies at the end of it. You look at the last two men you will probably see for a good three hours and you enter the big black gates they are made to 'guard'. Almost at once, you are overwhelmed by the sea of faces (of the same sex). I mean, it seems the entire female population of our city is locked up in this place called college. Anyway, being too sleepy to care any longer, you walk your way through all the noisy, chirpy girls (i mean HOW do they do it) and sit on the calming sliver benches I like to call home. You then feel a little more awake as you strain your eyes to scrutinize and form silent judgement of all the strange girls who walk by. By this time, you spot your two favorite faces and being sleep deprived and all that other bullshit takes a backseat. You bitch, loudly this time and pass time until that fateful bell rings so loudly you almost jump. You climb all those stairs and get to your first class. You take your time to walk to the end of the classroom, I mean come on, nobody wants to sit at that back of the class right? Wrong. You sit down, pull out your cell phone, read a book, talk and hide behind all those people sitting in front of you and before you know it 12:30 is here! Now, you are starving to death.You run out of class, find food and eat like you haven't seen food in ages. You sit on the silver benches and bitch some more and then when the bell sounds, you return to your stuffy class. By this time, all that sleep you need to make up for, catches up with you.You sit through the last few classes, with your eyes half closed, subconsciously hoping and praying that time will move a little faster. And then, the minute you hear scrambling feet, your eyes snap open and you feel free.
Yes, this is a pretty apt account of my life in college.
Now, the part after we exit those horrid black gates? That's a completely different thing. Achu, Bee and me hold hands, walk and laugh the entire time. Sometimes, we run and do stupid things. Sometimes, we stand under random buildings while its raining and do the hustle while cursing every person we know. Sometimes, we plan out our legend..wait for it..ary (haha) scams and put it to practice, other times we drink fountain coke. Almost everyday, we argue with an auto guy. And almost everyday, we win that argument. That walk outside, until that ruddy main road? That's the best part of my day.
The part after we exit those horrid black gates? That's the part I'm always going to remember.
Monday, September 6, 2010
So, I finally got that blackberry I wanted. My bbm hasn't been activated yet and that really annoys me. You'd think a new phone I don't really deserve would be enough, but no. Trust me to never be content. There, I admitted it. And no, of course I'm not proud of how nothing seems to quench my longing for more.
Anyway.
The very first thing I did before I got a new phone was to transfer every single message from my old phone onto my treasured orange pen drive. I don't know what it is about me and having this obsessive need to save things. It's like I just don't want to delete an old message (that probably means nothing now), because in some odd way, I feel I'll forget that moment. Forget the situation and the relevance the message held/holds. Forget the very person who sent it to me. Strange as it may seem, I have this NEED to hold onto things (quite obviously) even if the object in question is some stupid text message I got two years ago. No, I am not insane, I assure you. As already mentioned, I just have issues with forgetting.
Ever got a message that just made you swell with happiness? Ever had an unbelievably fun day and taken just ONE picture? Ever met the most incredible person who only left you with a string of complements and nothing else (not even a phone number, damn the stupid *beep*)? Ever been on the best date ever and saved a bill? Ever passed notes in class that made you forget about everything except getting that note across without getting caught? Ever read a book with brilliant/inspiring lines or laughed so hard at something your friend said? Well, whether you admit it or not, we have ALL been there. What's probably different between you and me is that you would've forgotten all about it. Eventually. I on the other hand, save that message, hold onto that picture, remember those compliments, keep that bill, preserve those notes, write down those lines and quote those people. Finally, when the above takes up too much space on my computer I save it all on my hot as hell orange pen drive (sorry, the adjectives were totally out of context, I know). Or start a new book when the old one gets over. Sometimes I sit and read through all those texts, lines, quotes, notes and look at those pictures even if it happens to be for the nth time. I'm aware I sound obsessed. And a little scary to those of you who aren't concerned with details or aren't bothered about holding onto for keepsake. What can I say? Guess that's just who I am.
Anyway.
The very first thing I did before I got a new phone was to transfer every single message from my old phone onto my treasured orange pen drive. I don't know what it is about me and having this obsessive need to save things. It's like I just don't want to delete an old message (that probably means nothing now), because in some odd way, I feel I'll forget that moment. Forget the situation and the relevance the message held/holds. Forget the very person who sent it to me. Strange as it may seem, I have this NEED to hold onto things (quite obviously) even if the object in question is some stupid text message I got two years ago. No, I am not insane, I assure you. As already mentioned, I just have issues with forgetting.
Ever got a message that just made you swell with happiness? Ever had an unbelievably fun day and taken just ONE picture? Ever met the most incredible person who only left you with a string of complements and nothing else (not even a phone number, damn the stupid *beep*)? Ever been on the best date ever and saved a bill? Ever passed notes in class that made you forget about everything except getting that note across without getting caught? Ever read a book with brilliant/inspiring lines or laughed so hard at something your friend said? Well, whether you admit it or not, we have ALL been there. What's probably different between you and me is that you would've forgotten all about it. Eventually. I on the other hand, save that message, hold onto that picture, remember those compliments, keep that bill, preserve those notes, write down those lines and quote those people. Finally, when the above takes up too much space on my computer I save it all on my hot as hell orange pen drive (sorry, the adjectives were totally out of context, I know). Or start a new book when the old one gets over. Sometimes I sit and read through all those texts, lines, quotes, notes and look at those pictures even if it happens to be for the nth time. I'm aware I sound obsessed. And a little scary to those of you who aren't concerned with details or aren't bothered about holding onto for keepsake. What can I say? Guess that's just who I am.
Monday, August 30, 2010
I'm extremely tempted to change my template YET again. What's different this time is that I'm not looking for something darker. Yes, you read that correctly. I am in fact contemplating a happy pastel colour all bright and bubbly. Although for now, I think I'm just going to trust my instincts which tell me to wait a little bit longer.
Moving on.
I had the bestest weekend with my cousins! Poker, being our newest addiction, kept us awake into the wee hours of the morning. Over all the screaming and swearing and alcohol and smoke, we bonded while collecting rows of those lovely chips. And we did a lot of cooking too. Not to mention the horrible cleaning that followed (not that I did too much). Oh and Zak's hard disk provided us with lots of entertainment for when we were not playing poker. You know there is just something about spending your weekend with a noisy house full of people you adore. I mean sure, we didn't see the sun for like two days and everyone tripped on me but what the hell? When we actually sat down and looked at pictures (thanks F Kaka) of how we were all so little back then, sticking to one other like glue, holding onto a hand, making a face and doing such typically-us things, each of us relived old memories. And at that exact point, all I felt was gratitude. Gratitude for the awesome bunch of people I have in my life. The thought of them not being around, frankly, terrifies me. I can't wait for the next wedding when my wonderful family is together again so we can make more memories (a little older and wiser this time) and maybe tomorrow, smile at how lucky we are.
Moving on.
I had the bestest weekend with my cousins! Poker, being our newest addiction, kept us awake into the wee hours of the morning. Over all the screaming and swearing and alcohol and smoke, we bonded while collecting rows of those lovely chips. And we did a lot of cooking too. Not to mention the horrible cleaning that followed (not that I did too much). Oh and Zak's hard disk provided us with lots of entertainment for when we were not playing poker. You know there is just something about spending your weekend with a noisy house full of people you adore. I mean sure, we didn't see the sun for like two days and everyone tripped on me but what the hell? When we actually sat down and looked at pictures (thanks F Kaka) of how we were all so little back then, sticking to one other like glue, holding onto a hand, making a face and doing such typically-us things, each of us relived old memories. And at that exact point, all I felt was gratitude. Gratitude for the awesome bunch of people I have in my life. The thought of them not being around, frankly, terrifies me. I can't wait for the next wedding when my wonderful family is together again so we can make more memories (a little older and wiser this time) and maybe tomorrow, smile at how lucky we are.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
We do not know how to just let things be.
We demand an explanation for everything. We want instantaneous answers. We seek solace in logic and sense. And when these desired requisites are not met? We build theories. We start these theories to pay heed to our yearning thoughts.We start them because we don't know what else to do. We conjure these disturbing possibilities because atleast that way, we feel a little less clueless. Surely, before long, they are blown out of proportion to the extent that they play on our minds ALL the time.
I wish to save you from this dark pit of unhappiness, that once you fall into, you will (probably) never get out of. So here's the thing about theories. They are most often based on assumption, negativity and pessimism. And they invariably lull you into presuming the very worst. When you don't know what's happening, sure it sucks, you throw a few tantrums, you obsess over it for a brief period but then you let it go. You let it go because to dwell over the endless possibilities is simply, lets face it, stupid. In fact, you need to let it go in order to get on with your life. Now, for those persistent ones that find it hard to do so (myself included)? Try and see that beating yourself up about it is going to get you nowhere. In fact it will probably end up clouding your judgement, even when that much awaited answer does present itself (eventually). Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid. Sometimes, you are kept in the dark for a reason. Sometimes, it's the world's funny way of bringing it to you, the longer way. (Notice how much nicer it is to accept these endless possibilities?)
I'm reminded of something I once read. "In everything uniformity is undesirable. Leaving something incomplete makes it interesting, and gives on the feeling that there is room for growth."
Next time you are frazzled and begin that exhausting theory-building process, stop and remember that some things are worth the wait.
We demand an explanation for everything. We want instantaneous answers. We seek solace in logic and sense. And when these desired requisites are not met? We build theories. We start these theories to pay heed to our yearning thoughts.We start them because we don't know what else to do. We conjure these disturbing possibilities because atleast that way, we feel a little less clueless. Surely, before long, they are blown out of proportion to the extent that they play on our minds ALL the time.
I wish to save you from this dark pit of unhappiness, that once you fall into, you will (probably) never get out of. So here's the thing about theories. They are most often based on assumption, negativity and pessimism. And they invariably lull you into presuming the very worst. When you don't know what's happening, sure it sucks, you throw a few tantrums, you obsess over it for a brief period but then you let it go. You let it go because to dwell over the endless possibilities is simply, lets face it, stupid. In fact, you need to let it go in order to get on with your life. Now, for those persistent ones that find it hard to do so (myself included)? Try and see that beating yourself up about it is going to get you nowhere. In fact it will probably end up clouding your judgement, even when that much awaited answer does present itself (eventually). Sometimes, some things are best left unsaid. Sometimes, you are kept in the dark for a reason. Sometimes, it's the world's funny way of bringing it to you, the longer way. (Notice how much nicer it is to accept these endless possibilities?)
I'm reminded of something I once read. "In everything uniformity is undesirable. Leaving something incomplete makes it interesting, and gives on the feeling that there is room for growth."
Next time you are frazzled and begin that exhausting theory-building process, stop and remember that some things are worth the wait.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
- I want a Blackberry. Like very badly. Except how would ginger sound for a name?
- I love Questionable Content! It is so funny and witty and awesome. Although I can't seem to understand why Marten and Faye haven't hooked up yet. I mean their chemistry is so evidently there. Why they are just sitting around doing nothing about it is, frankly, beyond me.
- OMFG I just read the funniest thing ever.
Blue robot: Hey, I had a really good time the other night.
Pink robot: Aww, I did too!
Blue robot: I just wanted to say that you're the awesomest lady robot I've ever met!
Pink robot: WHAT? I'm not a lady, I'm a dude!
Blue robot: But-but you're pink! And we..we..oh God.
Pink robot: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW! Also it is SOOO sexist of you to assume that I'm female just because I'm pink. OMFG.
Blue robot: Sorry! I'm just kind of shocked! I mean, I didn't know!
Pink robot: Whatever, that is NO excuse. Don't IM me again, jerk.
Blue robot: But
[awesomePC1998 has signed off]
Blue robot: Shit.
Hahahahahahahaha. I know, I know the entire concept of robots having a conversation is completely ludicrous.
- I'm still laughing.
- Okay. I'm done.
- My stupid enter key is not working. It is proving to be quite a pain, as using the cursor etc is just SO painful.
- I have a craving for Lindt white chocolate truffles. Yes. Writing the entire thing is necessary as I will not settle for anything other than THAT. Which is just as well as either way, I'm not even getting any.
- I started saying 'sigh' out loud to annoy people. And now it seems to have stuck.Which is plain scary.
- Ihatehim. Okay, atleast I'm trying to.Whyyyy is it so hard?
- I painted my nails green and black because Gulli said it would be damn 'psychedelic'. Haha.
- I am officially in love with Poker. I can't wait to get good at it.
- Okay. That's all for today.
- I love Questionable Content! It is so funny and witty and awesome. Although I can't seem to understand why Marten and Faye haven't hooked up yet. I mean their chemistry is so evidently there. Why they are just sitting around doing nothing about it is, frankly, beyond me.
- OMFG I just read the funniest thing ever.
Blue robot: Hey, I had a really good time the other night.
Pink robot: Aww, I did too!
Blue robot: I just wanted to say that you're the awesomest lady robot I've ever met!
Pink robot: WHAT? I'm not a lady, I'm a dude!
Blue robot: But-but you're pink! And we..we..oh God.
Pink robot: I THOUGHT YOU KNEW! Also it is SOOO sexist of you to assume that I'm female just because I'm pink. OMFG.
Blue robot: Sorry! I'm just kind of shocked! I mean, I didn't know!
Pink robot: Whatever, that is NO excuse. Don't IM me again, jerk.
Blue robot: But
[awesomePC1998 has signed off]
Blue robot: Shit.
Hahahahahahahaha. I know, I know the entire concept of robots having a conversation is completely ludicrous.
- I'm still laughing.
- Okay. I'm done.
- My stupid enter key is not working. It is proving to be quite a pain, as using the cursor etc is just SO painful.
- I have a craving for Lindt white chocolate truffles. Yes. Writing the entire thing is necessary as I will not settle for anything other than THAT. Which is just as well as either way, I'm not even getting any.
- I started saying 'sigh' out loud to annoy people. And now it seems to have stuck.Which is plain scary.
- Ihatehim. Okay, atleast I'm trying to.Whyyyy is it so hard?
- I painted my nails green and black because Gulli said it would be damn 'psychedelic'. Haha.
- I am officially in love with Poker. I can't wait to get good at it.
- Okay. That's all for today.
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